Poopin' On The Enterprise (A Monologue)

(album: BiTrektual - 2012)

Anybody here a Star Trek fan?
I love Star Trek so much, but man they sure make some shit up on that show
It's just unbelievable to me
They're like bouncing graviton beams off the main deflector array
They're like creating rifts in the timespace continuum
And yet, and yet not one toilet on the entire Enterprise, not one
Do these people not poop?
Like in forty years of Star Trek no one has ever said: "Shit I gotta go to the bathroom".
What I wouldn't give to see that one episode: The Poop Episode.
I imagine it would be something like this,
you know like the Klingons are attacking and Picard's on the bridge and he's like: "Worf, you're needed on the bridge!"
"I can't come to the bridge right now captain"
"Worf, that's insubordination, I need you up here immediately!"
"I'm in the latrine captain"
"Oh dear me, I'm sorry, well you know get up here as soon as you can"
And then of course you know Riker's gotta waddle over:
"Did you ask him if it was a number one or a number two?"
"Dear God I..! No I did not ask him if it was a-... Worf is it a number one or a number two?"
"It's a number two! Arg, Sword of Kahless! It's got.. it's got ridges! Arg... Perhaps today is a good day to die!"
This turd has no honor.