Meatless In Seattle

(album: Acoustic Monday Album - 2019)

When you said you loved me you lied
And when you said give up meat, I tried

Relationships, I used to be in one
With a beautiful girl, yes, a vegan one
It was quite nice when we'd begun
But she wasn't fond of how I'd eat a ton of
Beef jerky and bratwurst
She didn't complain about it a lot at first but
Over time it just got worse
And she tried to coerce me to convert
She'd say, "You would enjoy this vegan diet
How would you know if you don't even try it?"
I said, "I love you girl, so just this once
I'll give it a go for a couple months" and I
Stuffed my smoker safe into storage
And forged forward to the farmer's market to forage
And ordered some oranges, assorted gourds
And purple potatoes and papaya pourridge
And ate it all in my lady's honor
I wanted her to be my baby's mama, but
One month I caught that no good creature
Cheating on me with her yoga teacher
I guess it's just that

The feelings that ladies bring
Will make you do crazy things, I know first hand it's true
You do whatever they tell you to

When you said you loved me you lied
And when you said give up meat, I tried

You treated me like some more schlep
So now I have no remorse left
I eat chicken wings and pork neck
And I throw the bones at your doorstep
And I treat meat like you treated my heart
I viciously rip it and tear it apart
I eat beef to end the day and pork to start with
No side of vegetables, just à la carte
I want dual shish kebab skewer sticks
I eat it fast like a lunatic
The vegan lifestyle, I'm through with it
The only meat you craved was human dick
And I wonder why I still miss you
I use my skirt steak as a tissue
And as my tears dry in fat deposits
I question my own lack of logic
It must be something to the effect of

The feelings that ladies bring
Will make you do crazy things, I know first hand for sure
That meat is just a metaphor

When you said you loved me you lied
And when you said give up meat, I tried