I'm Not Getting Excited

(album: Jump Rope Gazers - 2020)

I'm not getting excited
'Cause the thrill isn't mine to invite in
Just the chill when I learn that it's finally my turn
I have finally earned my place in the urn
And I take a fall
But I keep my hands soft
I keep my body limp and I move with the wind
I'll go where it bends and let go of the expectation

I'm not getting excited
'Cause the light on my phone's got me hiding
When it flashes at night, it's the bringer of signs
I can see through my eyelids, I know that it's time
And I hold it all
But I keep my hands soft
All the answering, asking, my thoughts are a rat king
There's no point untangling the thought from the action
I'm awake

What is it like, the other side
Where all my vital signs aren't fading away?
Violent dreams keep me awake
I wear the same face in the morning
A warning

I'm not getting excited
'Cause my fight and my flight are divided
And so I don't enthuse, keep my grip on joy loose
And I wait for the news with my feet in my shoes
And I lose it all
With one foot out the door
When I smile, I lie with my eye to the side
So I greet with goodbye, I greet with goodbye
Yeah, goodbye

But what is it like, the other side
Where all my vital signs aren't fading away?
Violent dreams keep me awake
I wear the same face in the morning
A warning
A warning