Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me

(album: One Fierce Beer Coaster - 1996)

Why is everbody always picking on me?

The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor
He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca
The doctor said sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me
I did not mean your lovely wife was shacking up with a wookie
What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son
He's looks like Chewie Baba Booey Baba Booey and Hong Kong Phooey all in one
To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu looking
I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cooking
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby
Why's everbody always picking on me?
Always picking and ripping apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali
I got a schnoz like the 'Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you
So back me up Bill yea and you're ugly too
So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese
Or where a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans
And my mirror never lies but it always verifies
I got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie
You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand
Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed like the Elephant Man
And yea I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first
But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse
About as popular with the girls with Englebert Humperdink
And that might be 'cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink
I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard
It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you run like a girl and sit down to pee
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady
But why's everbody always picking on me?
You took your mom to the prom but still got lucky
Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased
And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD
Peaks freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts
As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside their grass hut
Oh he'll kill again that Gilligan they he should of let him be
And like a postal clerk I'll go beserk if you don't stop teasing me
See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm
Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause you run like a girl and sit down to pee
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady
But why's everbody always picking on me?
Cause no one likes you monkey boy.