My Whole Family...

(album: Bo Fo Sho - 2008)

Every time I go to dinner
It seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
I can talk while they're not able
When I look at them I find
There's a single question on their mind
I wish it could go back to the way it was
It's not easy now because...

My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like... boys
That I like boys

The goddamn question just won't go away
And I get asked every single day
But the way they ask it is not a disguise
Like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
This is the worst, baby, this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear
Because...

My whole family now is shocked
I'm in the closet and the door is locked
Now my glory days are gone
I was John Elway now I'm Elton John

My whole family now suspects
Watching Spongebob had side-effects
I'm not gay and that's what I said
If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead, you know...
That's weird

Just 'cause I'm on the cheer-leading team
And my birthday party had a Broadway theme...
When I go outside, what do I see?
That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G

Because I think that God might think I'm gay
What does He know anyway?
My grandma gave me a present just last year
And the card said: "Happy Birthday, queer!"

My whole family thinks I'm fab
There's a guy's butt "Hey, Bo, take a stab!
C'mon... why doesn't he get women? There's no other way!"
It's 'cause I'm lanky, not 'cause I'm gay, alright?
Not 'cause I'm gay

Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow
Or my favorite color is the rainbow
Heh... that was a joke
I don't mean to yell but I fear I must
'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust

Because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay... just kiddin'!

You all probably think I'm gay
Man, this song is counterproductive
La la la la la…

Because my whole family thinks I'm gay
What did they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze
Easy-Bake oven was just a phase

My whole family thinks I'm queer
That is all I ever hear
But I've been as straight as a ramp
If you don't count Bible camp
Bible camp

I'm not gay, I swear