Val Kilmer

(album: The Great Burrito Extortion Case - 2006)

I always thought my movie
Would be a comedy
Not quite the tragedy that its become
More slapstick than chickflick
More Caddyshack than Breakfast At Tiffany's
So, thank me at the podium
For a lifetime of contribution
Turn on the cameras
Someone cue the extras
Hair and makeup to the set

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
'bout a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

So if you miss my movie
Get the DVD
Check out the chemistry
Between you and me
Less 'Raising Arizona'
More 'Steel Magnolias'
So when you walk down that red carpet
I hope you trip and fall
I hope someone squirts you with a watergun
A super soaker filled with pee

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
And in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

All apologies
To Kevin Costner
and that chick from monster
Give me Adam Sandler,
Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer
He was funny in 'Real Genius'

[Greg]
What about 'Top Gun'?
[Jaret]
No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny
[Greg]
Whatever

Top secret was funny too
But he sucked as Batman

Because the big screen's calling
Final casting call
Its your big shot baby your the next big star
On another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Is falling apart

Steven Spielberg's calling and he's sending a car
It's your big shot baby, you're the next big star
Of another stupid movie
About a guy with a broken heart
Who's falling apart
Your headed for the cutting room floor
But in the sequel honey
I'm the guy who gets the girl

I'm the guy that gets the girl [repeat until the end]

[BACKGROUND (repeat until the end):]
Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, BRIGHTelushi and Akroid, Chris Farley, Bill Murray in 'Stripes'.
Eddie Murphy till 90, Chris Rock and John Candy, the cast of Hollywood Knights.
Mike Myers, Jim Carrey and the Farelly Brothers are more my style.
'Terms of Endearment' I didn't get it.
I'd much rather shut up and smile.