I'm The King Of The Castle (Castlestorm Song)

(album: Generation Gaming XXII: She Wants The D-Pad - 2021)

Ahh, do you smell that?

Look at my fortress
It's bloody gorgeous
I'm looking forward to seeing how sturdy yours is
I hope you bought buildings and contents insurance
'Cause you're about to make a claim of epic proportions

You were appointed with a place of great importance
You'll be disappointed when it's nothing more than sawdust
You're getting shelled like a walnut
Or shelled like a corn husk
Or shelled like an unfortunate tortoise

This track's enormous
Like my pink sword is
But I'm running out of rhymes, so bring me my thesaurus
(Aw yiss!)
Anything you build up will be brought to the floor with
Force, feel the buildup
Yes, of course, here's the chorus

Come on
I'm ready
For anything you're sending at me
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm aching for the battle, one two three

Come on
I'm ready
For anything you're sending at me
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm aching for the battle, one two three

Dunking on packs of wolves
As if they're basketballs
And I did that before the sport was fashionable
Your faction's calling for a nasty fall
And I've been smashing walls
From here to Aston Hall

I am impassable
I'm unsurpassable
And when it comes to demolition I'm a natural
Fact: your walls and gravity are incompatible
You need 'em bashed to the floor
And I'm the chap to call

My mouth's a cannon
That is rammed with massive balls
I'm rapping to Pachelbel's Canon
And it's classical
In practical terms
I'm taking tactical turns
But still collapsing buildings is my main thematic concern

I'll never have my fill
With abusing your battlements
It's more amusing to me than the sound of flatulence
Benevolent
I do it for your benefit and betterment
So remember than when I'm wrecking your settlement

There ain't nothing left of it except for bits of sediment
Ready for Bovis to set up a new development (Who?)
I'm tearing through your regiments as if they're bits of loo roll
And when I'm done, I will return again, rip you a new hole
(Hahahahahahaha! Hey, hey, hey!)

Come on
I'm ready
For anything you're sending at me
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm breaking you in battle, under siege

Come on
I'm ready (Whoo!)
For anything you're sending at me
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm breaking you in battle, under siege

Um, my liege? Yes?
We're under siege
Whose limbs are these? They must be somebody's
But before we succumb I should come up with a speech
Or borrow one, that's easier, so once more unto the breech!

Oi, oi, who wants a piece?
Come on, come get it
Anyone from sheep to priests
You having fun yet?

Fighting all the undead
Right from dawn to sunset
By now the body count's gotta be more than a hundred

But I'm not done yet
And I'm not gonna rest
Until there's precisely one less than one left
After a hard battle you'll find Daniel in his hard castle
His detractors captive in the back with legs and arms shackled

Supping on a cup of ale
Regaling the court with tales
Of the time you tried to step up and failed to prevail
Tuck your tail in between your legs and do one
Or yet again, I'll rip you a new one

Sat in my fortress
It's bloody gorgeous
I'll never surrender it to the National Trust
What a performance
I'd call it flawless
Just like the hole inside your castle where your floor was
(Haaaaaah! Hey, hey, hey!)

Come on
I'm ready
For anything you're sending at me
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm returned from the battle, victory

Come on
I'm ready
Let's sit down and have a cup of tea
I'm the king of my castle, bow to me
I'm returned from the battle, victory