The Ballad Of Bob The Snow Golem

(album: Generation Gaming XXV: Achievement Unlocked - 2022)

In the middle of the village was a household
A little different to the others, they weren't as cold
So let's go down below
To meet the only townsfolk made out of snow
He was a clown, you know, loved pranking, bro
Suddenly pouncing, making people round say, "Oh!"
His name was Bob and his daily job
Was guarding the town nightly at eight o'clock
But Bob got so bored
That he'd lob snowballs at the locals
And although all snow that was thrown here was frozen
Nobody really thought it was so cool
Wasn't the most socially appropriate
Mode of approaching the folk who would go to the law court
To report that he broke rules
Had a vote and of course they'd enforce he be stonewalled
He was caged and afraid, he would wave and say, "Hey"
To the kids, parents shaking their heads
And they would make them look away
Just as if he didn't exist
And so Bob made the decision to begin making amends
Said, "Sorry, mama, never meant to hit you
Never meant to make you cry
So could I be freed now?"
I promise that I will throw no snow
I'll go home, keep it on the low low, so
This town isn't a no go zone no more
Just a cup of cocoa and a ho ho ho
No po po, yo, just a nice time, ah
Though uh-oh, yo, it's the night time
Ah, and once the sunset's done, the undead come so be afraid
They're such a hungry bunch, they want to munch and eat your brains
Nowhere to run and hide, no they'll just come inside
Wherever you put your bum, they're going to come and find you
But Bob noticed the bloody loud commotion
Would have dove in but wasn't allowed, the townsfolk
Just forbode him, it was foreboding to know
That he couldn't go, no chucking snow, so he felt frozen
The zombies closed in, it was as though
They were hunting for something, enclosures were opened
Pumpkins were jumped, there was no clear motive
But phobia punching a pumpkin is odious
Bob took umbrage at his bros being broken
And broke those oaths that he won't throw snow
He was ready to bury any undead in the area
With a bo, bo, bo, bo, bo
Go home, zombies, ain't it obvious, we don't want them
We got 'em good, got 'em gone, and with no problem
So the folk bestowed honors and wrote heroic songs
In honor of Bob the snow golem
And although they were so fond of him, doted on him
They couldn't condone lobbing snow with no punishment
He was thrown back inside, like Bo Burnham
Was trapped in an iron and stone column, no comment
How could you live knowing you've done it? Have you no honor?
Got me stuck here till the midsummer? That's some folk horror
Folks want to go on about having free will
Till you put 'em in a crowd more than three then they're evil
That's when Bob said, "Well, then I'll be damned
If I let the crowd mentality get me down, I'm planning to throw down
You turned me barbaric like a snowcone Conan
Now feel the wrath of the snowman
Brap, brap, brap, run home and close the doors
I'm chucking frozen balls at you with no remorse
You could have brokered peace but now you've chosen war
I'll suffer no defeat till every person falls
So every player be warned, this is the perfect storm
And till the weather's turning warm
I'll lob those snowballs at the locals till there are no more