Lonely (Hidden Track)

(album: Funhouse Mirror - 2019)

I'm lonely. I could turn a W to an L
I'm lonely. I could take something wonderful make it hell
I been tryna fill a void I don't understand I don't know its shape
Eyes closed tryna fit different shit in this empty space

To no avail, I'm lonely it's cold as hell
In the part of my soul where love and the noble notions dwell
I'm lonely, I don't get what I'm looking for but I search on
Tryna make a map of places where I've never gone

I'm lonely. Shit ain't everybody?
I wash my head with this human condition, but I don't feel cleansed I feel lonely yo
Been avoiding time with myself, and now I owe me though
Every time we together I focus on something phony

I'm lonely, but I don't wanna settle
Sometimes I'd rather be unhappy than to be alone
Tell myself I need to bone but truth is that I need a home
I been rationalizing time that's spent with people that don't inspire me

Being lonely sucks I'm startin to lose my spirit's trust
Scared of what I want I been starting to fear my lust
If I can't tell myself the whole truth than the lyrics must
Like I should come here to stroke but I know I came here to bust

Man-made most of my woes be
Feel like we do half what we do 'cause we bored, we just be lonely
I feel like most people'd rather use me than to know me
I feel like I'm a bitch cause I got it good but be feeling bad

And cockiness is just fear in drag
I see a lot of Ru Pauls of emotions
I say I ain't judging a lot, but I do and I know it
Wish I was more easy going, maybe I wouldn't feel lonely

But sometimes we ain't inclined to be the men we wanna be
Like shit, without this critical lens, I couldn't see
But I don't know, cause there's a lot of things I thought I couldn't be
And I'm starting to become all them, maybe there's hope for us

This the most self involved and the most communal rhyme
We all in search of people who can relate
Their absence negative space, shit without em there is no alone
So I know they out their fo' me or I wouldn't feel lonely

I remember, when it wasn't cool to feel lonely
Then somewhere along the way kid cudi made it ok
But now we fetishize it it's a style to be tried n'
Take this pill if you don't like it, you don't have to feel lonely

And that ain't never been me, but I ain't that far
Buzz buzz goes the sound of the anti-depressant
Notifications, I'ma need me three grams of some mentions
Tell me you like the online me so the real me don't feel so lonely

I'm jus being real homie, this ain't a sad song
This ain't a mad song, but I do worry
'Cause, I been tryna write some next level shit lately
And this is it, so I'm scared that my loneliness makes me

Like do I need it to shine, what if I leave it behind
Will I die young if I continue to just bleed from my mind
And I, guess that's something only time can show me
For now I gotta go, shit I'm late to meet the homies lonely