Shattered

(album: The Place I Feel Safest - 2017)

The only thing I want is peace, but all I feel is ashamed
I've got these sick, sad thoughts and all they do is replay
There's no way this is who I'm meant to be
I want my mind to be released, I want my demons abandoned

They always said it was a shame
I'd watch my body rot any given day of the week
My soul has finally lost any shot of feeling fine again
I see nothing the same, the dark's here to stay

But I'm no more a victim than anyone who feels like me, don't I deserve peace?
It's goddamn hard when you think it never mattered if you'd wake up alive
I often wish I could erase my mind
No more a puppet to all this pain
So close to finally feeling serenity
I shouldn't be on this leash
I will be free, I will decide my own fate

I feel the cold wind on my back
The shackles have been released. Let me out into the world
'Cause all I ever want is to be free
I hear the sky calling out my name
You may be you, but I'm not me
Let me out into the world, deliberately

They always said it was a shame
Why can't you just get over it?
It doesn't work that way, this is a sickness
No more preventable than death, I was made like this
Tear out my eyes 'cause
There's nothing to see

I find myself in my head more often than I'm out
This is a sickness
This is a sickness
The thought of joy just hurts me more
And every move feels like a chore
But that's not me, I want release

They say the pain is temporary
They say the feeling isn't bound to last
We cling to light but often find it submits to dark
Dead from the start, I was dead from the fucking start

Maybe I know that I'm not perfect
But I know I don't deserve this prison
That's just who I am, and I can never lose hold
Never lose hold again

For once, I'd love to smile
And for once to finally mean it
I don't want to have to lie
It's always looming, it's always there
Always growing ever present in my nightmares
It's always looming, another year
Cutting through me, it's gone or I disappear
It's not fair to have to live this way
I see people shrug it off
But it consumes and corrupts me
I'm fucking begging on my hands and knees
I should be long released
Why would you keep that from me?

I feel the cold wind on my back
The shackles have been released
Let me out into the world
'Cause all I ever want is to be free
I hear the sky calling out my name
You may be you, but I'm not me
Let me out into the world, deliberately
I feel the cold wind on my back
The shackles have been released
Let me out into the world
'Cause all I ever want is to be free
I never wanted to live like this
Separated from all the rest
But that's just who I am and I can
Never lose hold, never lose hold again