365x: 22

So, I can— are you recording?
Yeah
So, I can, wait for focus, and— [*clap*]
And now you can press play if you want
But I'm still putting it in
Yeah
You're dead wrong ('cause I feel like I need to crash)
It's kind of taking me back to like, ah, pick it up (what are we doing?)
Let's go home
There's no hope
It's all wrong
This will kinda take long, fuck, okay
And I got—

Recently, in an interview, someone asked me, uh, "What are the three most important things that have happened to you this year?"
Um, I can't fully remember what I said, but, I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of, um, "Finishing my album, moving to New York, and, the sh the live shows I played."
Um, I've been thinking about that question for a while now, though, um, and that those three answers were maybe along the right lines, but, only like half-truths.
Um, finishing my album was important, but, for me, it was, you know, like, bigger than just the submission of some songs that I made in my bedroom.
Um, it's the bookend to a large part of my life, uh, you know—things have been on my mind in some cases probably for too long, um, and in the same way moving to New York was amazing, but, really, it was me jumping out of my comfort zone for a while.
Leaving the people and places and the culture that I had known my whole life behind, even, you know, just for a second.
Um, it wasn't really the live shows I played that were important, but more so, some of the things I learnt while out there.
Uh, I realized I wasn't taking myself into consideration; I was playing shows to please people and to entertain them, and forgot to make sure that I enjoyed it. Um, that I got to feel something more than, used afterwards. Um, and it was just a small shift of mindset but I'm so much better for it.
Um, it seems simple, but it took me a year and a half of touring to, to get it, and it only really happened at the very end of it.
But, most importantly, on tour, I saw another artist in a similar position. Um, I won't say who it was but I had finished performing and went to see someone much bigger than me.
And just before their set started, I saw them sitting down, uh, right beside the steps to their stage, you know, like, moments before one of the most energetic performances I saw this summer.
And they were sitting, hood up, and on their phone. You know, alone, uh, honestly looking quite down, or lost.
I didn't talk to them, but weirdly it was a relief knowing that it wasn't just me, um, that I wasn't the only one.
So I think I should tell you this. This album has been for me since I first started thinking about working on it, years ago.
Um, it just been a catalyst of change in so many ways for me, um, and it's taught me so much more about myself than I ever thought it would.
Um, I made vertigo by myself, for myself, um, but it, but it's finished now.
So, maybe it could be for you.
I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly.