Emmanuel

(album: EMMANUEL - 2019)

It's so hard to say, "I'm sorry"
It's so hard to self reflect
Make the world a better place, I put a bullet in my head
I'm still running outta friends, steady running from the past
Ain't no lil' piece of heaven, all these demons that I have
I am broken, I am tired, I am lonely and depressed
I am made up of mistakes, I'll start going down the list
I'm a product of my father, I'm an addict like my sister
I'm so sick, I need a doctor
Spent some time in institutions back at home with my mama
Had to run away to Houston
Had a girl, she was a goddess, I fucked up and had to lose her
I see darkness all around me, put my soul into the music
I am always fucking doubting my every single movement
I saw violence in my home, I seen shit I can't forget
I got anxieties and tendencies and memories repressed
Rip this shit up off my chest, put these bullets in a clip
Press the muzzle to my face and pull the trigger, now I'm—
It's so hard to end it all, I wanna try to make it right
It's so hard to live at all, all these obstacles in life
Make it hard for us all, made a fuck-up of my life
I'll give anything at all to take back a little time

I'm a beast, I'm a dawg, I'm a runaway slave
I'm like Malcolm, I'm like Martin being locked in a cage
Tell Jesus, "Come and save me, I got goals and a pager"
Misdemeanors on the papers, El Dorado's on the dayton
See me float above the pavement
I'm a fucking mental patient, that's my fucking mission statement
I've been sitting, waiting patient
I can hear what niggas saying
Send me curses, see me praying
I can sell a blunt to Satan, all these trenches that I lay in
All this chaos that I stay in
See my fate and know it's waiting
This a new beginning, call me Jesus, king of niggas
My sermon is delivered, rolling swishers, writing scriptures
Many pains and many issues, this my written crucifixion
I'ma sing a song of David
I remember Wayne and Baby
I done seen them niggas leaking, screaming, "Jesus, come and save me"
I don't know if I'ma make it, I just know that life ain't easy
Getting harder while I'm breathing
Niggas die inside of Beamers, they don't even need a reason
Guns clapping, get to squeezing
Niggas killing, it ain't easy
Rent due and it ain't easy
Call his name but he ain't breathing
Momma crying, it ain't easy
Hard times, it ain't easy
It ain't easy