Complimentary Muffin

(album: Live In London - 2019)

So, as well as our doing
A collection of songs tonight

We're gonna tell you some of our
Our rock and roll anecdotes

Give you a sort of a
Behind-the-scenes look

At, uh, you know
The life of the band

You know, some pretty
Funny experiences that we've had

-some pretty crazy ones as well
-Yeah

And I think one that encompasses
Both those, um, subsets...

I don't know
I don't think "subsets"

Is a very rock and roll
Way of describing it

That's what
We're talking about, the fun...

The fun rock and roll subset

Um...
Uh, the story

The story that Jemaine
Is talking about

-I think, is the muffin story
-Oh, yes!

Yeah. Um, this is
A story of, um...

The time when I got
To my hotel room

Oh, no, sorry. Let me give
A bit of context

Wait. Hold on
Everyone listen to Bret

Okay

Okay, so
First of all, being in a band

We stay in hotels
'Cause we tour around

-We stay in some quite fancy hotels
-Oh, yes

We've stayed in some Premiere Inns

Yeah, absolutely

And we've stayed in some of the
Very Best Westerns out there

And I got to my room

And there was a complimentary
Muffin sitting on the table

Okay, this is where the fun

You guys obviously don't stay in these
Fancy hotels

-'cause this is very unusual
-Some of you are a few steps ahead

You're like, okay, this is
Where the fun's beginning

-Yeah
-Yep

So, I thought, okay, if I've
Got a complimentary muffin

I bet old Mad Dog's got
A complimentary muffin

That's my nickname
I'll tell you about that later

But tell them the joke about
The complimentary muffin

Okay, yeah, sure. Okay, so
The complimentary muffin, now

It's not a muffin that says, "Oh
Hello, Bret, you look good today."

It's a complimentary muffin

-But...
-Yeah

Imagine that though
Imagine that

-That's ridiculous
-It's such a fun...

A very flattering pastry

Little blueberry eyes

You know, just looking up at you
Going...

-Absolutely adorable
-I'd eat that

It's just looking up at you, going

"Well, you've got a nice personality
Little muffin

That's just a little
Digression we add in to

Yeah, we just, like, spice up
The story with a bit of humor

Yeah. Um...

It wasn't something that
Occurred to us at the time

And so, I thought if I've got
A complimentary muffin

I bet Mad Dog here's got one, and...

Right. You're probably wondering
Why I get called "Mad Dog."

This is a
Nickname that caught on

When Jemaine e-mailed me with
The subject "New Nickname."

I'm not sure if
That's the start of it

I'm sure it was a series of events

No, well, it was
A series of e-mails

It was Yeah. Three or
Four e-mails reminding me

And then, eventually, it caught
On, and now, I've got it up here

It's not important to the story
About how I got the name

I've got a reputation, and they
Call me Mad Dog, within the band

And so, I thought

I called his room, and I'd
Only been in the room

Maybe like, two or three minutes
You know, me and my muffin

And I call up Jemaine's room
I mean, Mad Dog, and, um...

-Thank you
-He answers the phone

"Hello?"

He's already bloody halfway
Through that muffin

Yeah

Bloody Keith Richards over here

God

I didn't I didn't even wait
As soon as I saw it, rawr!

What'd you do?
Just walk in there like

"Rawr, give me that
I'll do that!" Bloody...

Yeah, basically
That's pretty much it

He wasn't even there
And he guessed it

-because I'm a mad dog
-And...

You start to get a picture of the
Life of excess that we live

For you to know
It's a life of excess

You need to also know that
We had muffins for breakfast

That's right, yeah

So that's bloody two muffins
In one day. Oh!

-Double muffiner
-Oh, God

-Yeah
-Yeah

And so, we collect these
Stories as we travel 'round

You never know when something
Crazy's gonna happen

Yeah!
That one was about seven years ago

It was