Catholic Girls

(album: Joe's Garage Acts I, II & III - 1979)

[Act I]

[SCENE THREE]
[CATHOLIC GIRLS]

A festive CYO party with crepe paper streamers, contestants
for the broom dance, the , baked goods, & FATHER RILEY
making sure the lights don't go down too low...

[FATHER RILEY AND VARIOUS PARTY GOERS:]
Catholic Girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
In the Rectory Basement
Father Riley's a fairy
But it don't bother Mary
Catholic Girls
At the CYO
Catholic Girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic Girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?

[JOE:]
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-Hip-Hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
At the CYO When they learn to blow...

[FATHER RILEY:] They're learning to blow
All the Catholic Boys!

[MARY:]
Warren Cuccurullo...

[FATHER RILEY:] Catholic Boys!

[MARY:]
Kinda young, kinda WOW!

[FATHER RILEY:]
Catholic Boys!

[MARY:]
Vinnie Colaiuta...

[CHORUS:]
Where are they now?
Did they all take The Vow?

[FATHER RILEY:] Catholic Girls!

[WARREN:]
Carmenita Scarfone!

[FATHER RILEY:] Catholic Girls!

[OFFICER BUTZIS:]
Hey! She gave me VD!

[FATHER RILEY:]
Catholic Girls!

[WARREN:]
Toni Carbone!

[CHORUS:]
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go WOW!

[JOE:]
VD vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a Catholic Girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees

[LARRY:]
She was on her knees,
My little Catholic Girl

[CHORUS:]
In a little white dress
Catholic Girls
They never confess
Catholic Girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH!
Catholic Girls
OOOOOOH! [etc.]

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
Joe had a girl friend named Mary.
She used to go to the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think
Pure Thoughts
But one night, at the
Social Club meeting Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free...