Crew Slut

(album: Joe's Garage Acts I, II & III - 1979)

[Act I]

But one night, at the
Social Club meeting Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free...

[SCENE FOUR]
[CREW SLUT]

Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress,
is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth
as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make
an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings
to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago,
as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus,
hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on
the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System.

[LARRY:]
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly getting tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice

And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you 'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water, makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are fust waiting for you

You never get to move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly getting tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darling, take a little ride
On the mixer's face

Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time,
borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam
session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with
a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed
with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching
little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in
gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...

[LARRY:]
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in thecrew
Is being good to you
I know yer saying to yourself
'This is the way to go
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
'Cause you're the CREW SLUT

[MARY:]
I'm into leather...

[LARRY:]
That s good! A lot of the boys in the crew
Love leather...

[MARY:]
And rubber...

[LARRY:]
Yeh, they like rubber too... shrink tubing
With a hair dryer...

[ROAD CREW CHORUS:]
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench

[MARY:]
Ha ha ha...

[LARRY:]
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!

[ROAD CREW CHORUS:]
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!

[MARY:]
A present for me?

[LARRY:] We got a present for you!

[MARY:]
Whaddya got?
Whaddya gonna give me?

[LARRY:]
It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47
You'll love it...

[MARY:] With leather?

[CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:]
Eherrr, eh eh...This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
And so MARY was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't know whether it
was Toad-O... I don't know... I'll check it out)
Again we see MUSIC
Causing BIG TROUBLE!