Planet Of The Baritone Women

(album: Broadway The Hard Way - 1988)

[includes quotes from Teddy Bears' Picnic (Bratton/Kennedy) and Dance Of The Cuckoos (Hatley)]

Meanwhile, on Wall Street . . .

On the Planet of the Baritone Women
They talk low
'Bout stuff they know.

They sing "Oooh!"
And laugh at you
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

If you can't
(IF YOU CAN'T)
Do it too
(DO IT TOO)
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing "Li-Li-Li-Li!"
They sing "Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo!"
The men carry purses
Wherever they go

Junior executives.
All in a row,
Watch the Baritone Women
Do the Baritone show
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing about wheat;
They sing about corn;
They sing about places
Where women was born

They sing about hate!
They sing about fear!
It seems like they all got
A pretty good ear
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They sing it in harmony
Not often heard,
With a big ol' cadenza . . .
(Robert Martin, from Philadelphia,
Curtis Institute graduate, 1971
Let's hear it for him!)
On every long word

They keep it as low
As they possibly can,
And sometimes they walk
Like an E-GYP-TIAN
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah! Hey!)

They do choreography
Still more unique!
They leave their legs open
Whenever they speak!

They roll their eyes upward
And over again,
And slam their legs closed
When they sing about men!

Those Baritone Women!
They are not your friend!
(Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah!)

You will make a mistake
If you go there again!