"It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This"

(album: Playground Psychotics - 1992)

[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of "200 Motels"
January 18, 1971]

[Mark:] It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album
[Howard:] Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me
[George:] Must be his green velour socks!
[Mark:] Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry . . .
[Jeff:] What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap!
[Ian:] If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
[Jeff:] Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
[Aynsley:] I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll, it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more money that way
[Ian:] Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock'n'roll
[Mark:] Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play more rock'n'roll
[Jeff:] And more blues, extended blues, blues that's still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
[George:] Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world. I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight
[Mark:] You just calm down there, Duke
[Jeff:] Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan World.
[Ian:] We wouldn't have to have any leader
[Jeff:] We could just jam a lot
[Aynsley:] There was have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
[Howard:] I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand it!
[Jeff:] Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
[Mark:] Hey, man, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff
[Jeff:] Why, does he listen?
[Ian:] He always listens, he's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me
[Jeff:] That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal and makes us play it
[Ian:] I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material
[Howard:] And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!