The Illinois Enema Bandit

(album: Zappa In New York - 1978)

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women . . .
Boy, he'd just be tying 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumping every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumping every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

[repeat]

The Illinois Enema Bandit ! heard it on the news !
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois ... he has caused some alarm
Just sneaking around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Looking for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

[repeat]

The Illinois Enema Bandit
Some day he'll have to pay
Some day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokesl"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Saying "Don't nobody have no sympathy . . .
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And the Bandit might say, "Why is everbody always picking on me?"

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
One girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout; "Let fhe friend go free!"

ARE YOU GUILTY?
BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
"he Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs . . "
[etc. repeat]