No Joke

(album: Don't Blame The Chain - 2001)

'alright clart! I saw you in fuking Zanzi's dinni? what happened to you on Friday, clart?'

'aw, you're never gonna believe it, man! it's so unsafe, I got busted for having the well known rave drug, speed, innit!'

'you're fuking joking me, son...tell me more about it'

'serious, it all started out like this, man...'

[Pig:] This interview is being tape recorded and it may be given in evidence if your case is brought to trial. At the conclusion you will be provided with a copy of the tape and a form explaining what happens to the tapes. We're in an interview room at Newport Central police station, can you give your full name and date of birth, please.

I'm John Ben-Wa Balls and I'm going up the walls
I went out with my mates to see the waterfalls
No, really, I'm lying, I went to a club
And I got some crazy rave drugs and start to get wrecked up

Next thing I know, I'm in the bad end of town
I'm getting wrecked up and the police start to frown
They pulled me aside, saw the bag of speed
They even busted me for 'avin a toke on some weed

It's crazy, it's shit, I want to go have a good time
Next thing I know, I'm talking to PC59
He tried to do me for having loads of crazy fuking drugs
I just wanted to get mad and cut a few fuking rubs

[Chorus]
It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke
I got busted by the law while I was having a toke
It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke
I got busted by the law while I was having a toke

I takes loads of drugs, I does 'em all the time
My mother threw me out the council house outta my mind
Now I'm on the streets with the GLC crew
And I takes the ecstasy to my fuking nan too(?)

The police sat me in a cell
In there was Ben-Wa Balls as well
Smoked some draw and took some pills
And asked a bloke in a dress for some fuking cheap thrills, innit

'GLC...2000+1'

'GLC, maximum pressure, you knows it, 1983, the year it all started, respect, you knows it, Ben-Wa Balls, Loveggs, fuking Billy Webb, Adam Hussain, respect, Two Hats, knows it'

[Pig:] That concludes the interview. Is there anything else you wish to add or clarify in connection to what you have said?

Yeah, fuk you, I do's what I gotta do
If it involves drinking beer and sniffing fuking funky glue
Then i'll do it, you can't stop me cos I'm feeling fukin mad
And if you tries to fuk with me i'll get you beaten up by my dad

'Big shout out to Woody who sold me the draw, Johnny Seko(?), all the crew, fuking safe'

'Big shout out to Carl from Risker, he sold me the fuking draw, he's safe, oh, and Charlotte as well, in fuking Scarletts, wicked'

'Shout to Mad Keith who sold me the fuking speed and the draw, you knows it, he can fuking sort you out'

'Yo man, shouts to Terry Smithser(?) who got me 39 ounces of weed in under half an hour! you knows it!'

[Pig:] That white wrapping is exhibit MAC1, it is a piece of paper containing amphetamine, or what you believe to be amphetamine

[Chorus]
It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke
I got busted by the law while I was having a toke
It ain't no joke, it's a poor mans coke
I got busted by the law while I was having a toke

knows it...GLC...

2000AD, aka Two Hats, you see
Got busted for taking the fuking ecstasy
Gurning like a bitch, be on coke if I was rich
But I gotta go to the toilets cos I got a bit of an itch

I takes the drugs but I don't have fights
So why did the bastards read me my rights?

[Pig:] You bought it in TJ's last Friday for five pounds and you were going to use it for your own personal possession, is that correct?