Delivery Driver

(album: Adam Hussein's Truth Or Slander - 2002)

[intro]
you gonna, you gonna fukin order the curry then or what?
yeah, alright..pass me the phone clart.
y'wa...hang on mate..
whass, wha...aw, say whats the fukin number, son
yew aah, switch yer fukin phone on...c'mon..fukin, i'm staarving

er, allo, allo..yeah, i i i'd like to order a f.. uh...a curry please, yeah
er, chicken tikka massala, er, 4....4 pila...pilau rice's
([background] can i ave a naan bread)
aw fukin 'ell..we gotta, fukin.. naan bread as well...
uh, f.. keema nan..3...3 onion bhajis..er, fukin..an an some pepsi
yeah, yeah spa..is ..its a takeaway.

back in the port, stackin up yer bong
havin a fukin laugh and still signing on
i went to pick up a curry and they saw my capri
i payed them in draw and the keema now its free

the korma was wicked and it only cost a fiver
and they asked me to become the new delivery driver
the orders added up, two by fukin two
i can sell draw when im delivering vindaloos

when you're driving in town late at night
fuk me clarts you see some sights
wrecking it up in my capri
delivering a chicken bhuna going into Maindee

now you see me knocking out making a cut
ill give you free madras if you keeps yer mouth shut
ill bring you a curry and sell you the blow
ill put hash mix in yer bombay potatoes

[chorus]
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice

i delivered the mushroom biriani to this babysitter
she invited me in and i fuked her up the shitter
i took a lamb madras and a quarter to Brynglas
my bitch got three ounces stuffed in her ass

she sucked me off and spat in the mint sauce
you don't wanna know what she put in the main course
chicken tikka massala delivered to 56
cause the people there are pricks
cause they never fukin tips

i delivers the curry right down pill
this bird 'ad no money so she gave me a fucking thrilll
i closed my eyes and made a wish
i chucked my man milk up her fukin starfish

i had 10 pints and smoked some crack
now i gotta deliver a prawn dhansak
i got to the house, i was sick on the doorstep
but i made them pay cash cause i won't take a cheque

[chorus]
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice

herbs and spices, deliver pills on ice
i never get c-caught like in miami vice
i get 'em really dodgy on the streets of the city
delivering more draw than curry...which ain't a pity

but when the filth pull me over on the hard shoulder
i gives them LSD curry and a strawberry pavlova
and i pays them off with all this cash that i rake in
the girlies love me so i'm always flicking bacon

all this mad funk, never fukin quits
ever seen someone get fuked with a pneumatic drill in quik-fit?
i doubt it clart, now gimme the fukin money
this is some of the shit i sees delivering curry

[chorus]
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
chicken tikka massala chips and rice
went down private-eyes and bought a special device

it wasn't very long before i got an order wrong
and my special bombay spuds turned this bloke into a mong
he started complaining when he woke up
cause it was three weeks later and he missed the world cup

he got fuked off, i must've really bought his piss
cause i got fired next time i went into the office
they found my capri with the draw they had to seize
fcuk this splew i'm off to work down the chinese