Julia...

(album: Is He Real? - 2019)

(Where's God)
(Where's God)

I could've been dead (where's God)
I could've been just like Manny
With a bullet in his head
I could've been this killer
And living inside the FEDS
With a calendar crossing off all the days beside my bed
Or like his cousin, yea
I could've been a motherfucking
McDonalds employee with a shorty
Not my wife but we got kids
It's a shame cause minimum wage in this age
Ain't enough to even buy they ass a bib
I could've been a college student paying my tuition
But I couldn't even tell you what the fuck my major is
But bust my fucking ass everyday to
Buy a suit and make a resume
Take a interview and lose to a kid with a fucking trade
Yea, I could've been the owner of that business
That hired her from the lust inside my brain
And even though I'm fifty and she's twenty-one
I use my power to fuck her
Grabbing her with the same damn hand that has my ring
I could've been a wife staying up at night
Looking at my watch like where's my man
Man I hope that he's okay
When meanwhile, he's inside a hotel
Getting that hoe tail without a rubber or a shame
But stop that there
Since a little boy I knew that I was someone rare
I don't know how I knew
But I knew it was something inside of me
Telling me I could be successful outside of society
History classes ain't working I'm ditching these classes
Man these niggas need glasses
They don't see it, I'm better than average
I'm telling you coach put me in
And I'm still on the bench
I'm thinking I suck
What's your grades?
A D and a D, a D and a A
That's in art, does that mean I'm great
Am I gon be straight?
And this what they say
There's no jobs for niggas that paint
So my whole fucking life I grew up thinking I can't (niggas that paint)
And meanwhile
I'm thinking that my life's fucked up
My mom was going through it
She really had tough luck
But she kept it to her herself
I had no idea
To the point that I denied the little things I'd hear
From my family members
Now and then and here and there
Till I saw one day that momma was losing hair
And her losing her weight
Then eventually losing her brain
Till I put two and two together
Confusion was strain
Since my aunty told me the truth
I'll never be the same
When she died is when I heard
My stepfather gave her AIDS

(Right hand to God
Left hand holding the jewels
Tide stole my youth
These creases in my brow ain't tan lines
Saltwater swole my eyes
(Beachlife)
The sun's burning black and blue
(On my green eyes)
Too cold this side of June
It ain't natural)

Alright, ay so listen. What color are my pants?
Red!
Alright so describe to me the color red, without using another color or anything associated with the color
I think the color red is something that provokes emotion out of people
Na! I'm saying how can you visually describe the color red without using another color
It's impossible, there's no way you can do that. So look, how do you know that when you see red I don't see blue? How do you know we see the same color?
It's no way you can tell if we can see the same color no matter what because
I could've grown up my whole life thinking that red was really I see blue

If we can't even