Best Intentions

(album: Everything Speaks In Its Own Way - 2012)

We are a product of our times
Our legacy's of messiness of misdirected energies and self-obsessive tendencies
But I'll waste no more time in wanting that can never be
Those friendships numb to nothing now I hope that you remember me
In kindness or at least in empathy, like I remember you
I know that I am who I am for having been a friend to you
I know now firsthand that regretting love will empty you
Of all that makes you loving and of all that lovers pay attention to
I've been here before, entangled, trying not to mention you
When all my blood and guts are filled to bursting with the stench of you
See I lose me in loving and I do things I never meant to do
All my weakness is my weakness in an attempt to strengthen you
Last night just like all other nights, I fell asleep and dreamt of you

But 'you' is not one person, not one version of a person
Or a device enlisted in these rhymes to help me vent some raw emotion, no
'You' is all the yous I ever loved in falsity
All the yous I ever fell for in the darkness of this false city
All the yous who had my truth and in return were false to me
All the yous I had to lose so I could make the most of me
All the yous whose secrets I still keep who are like ghosts to me
Haunting me, every time I let someone get close to me
All the yous I lie beside, whose cries seem like such boast to me
Who naked came and naked left and squandered all my hopes in me
Resuscitate the vilest side and stifle all the growth in me
You made me feel immortal but in secret made a joke of me

Well, whatever's come to pass I hope that you, like me, are sure
That the love was always real and the intention always pure
And whatever people tell you, they can't ever love you more
It's just I wish I'd known to love you right before and that's the score
And whatever's come to pass I hope that you, like me, are sure
That the love was always real and the intention always pure
And whatever people tell me; they can't ever love me more
Still, I wish I'd known to love you right before

But every storm that's ever blown, blows in me
The world pitches and heaves and pulls my tides
I wear the lonely strength that sorrow brings me but I woke this morning old and I realised
My best friends don't know the weight of my contrition or the flames that make a furnace of my throat
The relentless burning thrust of my ambition or the trust I bore and lost now so remote

A tribe of enemies rise up against me
I'm stare at them for faces but find masks
Eyes that once looked sweetly gaze back empty and I cannot do the things of me they ask, stop asking!
I must answer to my own looming potential
It rears its fearsome head and it screams my name
These callous bleeding fingers grip that pencil
And I scrawl on scraps of paper: "I'm to blame, I'm to blame"
I scrawl on scraps of paper: "I'm to blame"
I know because you told me I'm to blame

And all that was, that is, all that will be, is heavy like the tears you waste on me

So don't fall in love with me cause I will write about it
When it's come to nothing and you begin to doubt it ever happened, I will mull it over; churn it out
I'll bring the ocean to the drought
You'll tell me it's unhealthy and hurt me when you try to help me
Then I will tell you that "I'm sorry" when a time for sorry is long deceased
I will think of you when all the city longs for sleep
I'll keep them up, screaming out the secrets I don't want to keep
That's when I'll call you up in tears knowing you don't want to speak and say

Whatever's come to pass
I hope that you like me are sure
That the love was always real
And the intention always pure
Whatever people tell you
They'll can't everlove you more
I really wish I'd known to love you right before