Ex-Boyfriend

(album: So Hard - 2013)

Ey what's going on man?
It's your boy Lil Dicky
A.K.A Mr. Left-Ward-Sloping-Penis
I got a story for y'all man
Peep this
Yes sir

Now I been dating this girl named Katie, she hot as hell
And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it don't smell
And I don't fall for chickens
But this one a little different
Body sickening,
Plus she really good at making breaded chicken
Got me thinking she the one man
Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man
Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close
I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposed
Oh yeah there's one more thing
And I know this shit gonna sound insane
But I still haven't hit it
I admit it, I wish I was kidding
Never been up inside before
Because shes only fucked one guy before
And though I really wanna boink this whore
She ma sweetie 3.14
So I'm staying patient, and masturbating,
And now ma heart is sorta racing
Cause she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm bout to go all out
I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
But on the way to crib, we pass this kid,
And he seem to know who Katie is
So I say "who this" and she say
Dicky, this is my ex boyfriend Jim"

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm looking at this dude I can't believe my eyes
Cause he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life
He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian God
And now I'm looking at ma chick, cause his dick's been inside her raw

Awww damn
Man this is crazy
I can't believe this guy used to fuck ma lady
I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti
Katie's hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades
And I'm bugging and queasy, this ain't okay
And then they say, "let's get drinks" so I say okay
Even though I was about to get laid!
Man this motherfucker look like Ashton
Combined with a little Hugh Jackman
In other words, he's so damn attractive
So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him
Now I'm in the back with him, sipping on some 'gnac with him
And he paying for it all, he investment banking...
I'm acting, like I ain't distracted
But I'm reenacting him and Katie banging
And now I'm feeling pissed, so I go and take a piss
Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is
And I had to see, and I was mad discrete
And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek
Oh my God Becky, look at that cock

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm looking at his dick, I can't believe my eyes
Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life
And now I'm staring at this dude's soft dick with a lotta hate
Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
And I don't know if I can date ma girl after tonight

Aw damn

I don't know what to do
Dude's dick is really huge
I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth
I know she's mission that
My penis isn't that
I'm looking closer I think that his dick has abs
Six pack on a dick
Now what the fuck is that
It's so long and thick
It's like a punching bag
I'm saying it's so shaven, head is amazing
Got ma dick looking like a raisin
Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy
What the fuck should I do?
He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive through...
I think it's time to
Tell Katie ma goodbyes
Cause I simply can't survive
After seeing what was in between his thighs
So I tell her

That this dude's gotta dick that I don't comprehend
I had to move ma neck to see it end to end
I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense
And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end
Because the sex with him must have been the best
And I would say let's just be friends
But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye
Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in the second grade
So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid

And then I took her to ma crib, and you know that we barely slept
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came
I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh
And upper mid-section region
You can call that the pelvis
Some would even call that the pubic bone
Leave the pubes at home
Making this up on the spot
Fuck you know about it
I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it