Truman

(album: Professional Rapper - 2015)

Hey, man... man
Hey... hey

I guess y'all on board
Young Man couldn't leave that shore
Had the life they made for him 'til he seeked out more
Boat rock, couldn't see that storm
Held it up, dawg
He know he close
It's too late to jump ship (Hey)

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherfucker shit
I know
This here became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rocking with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm going crazy
I'm just praying, I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

I saw the world like, "Hold up"
Damn near faking on the side
Let me take you on a ride
Let me tell you bout the one who couldn't take the 9 to 5
Use to take the 95 down to Richmond
Bumping Jigga up in the ride
Use to think along and drive
'Bout my drive
Used to wonder why
Used to wonder when the world'l see like I'm seeing mine
Use to whine
Use to wanna shine
Used to wanna dine
Used to talk to bitches in my mind when they were walking by
"Girl, what's happenin'? Girl what's happenin'?"
I ain't really 'bout to get involved that's what's happening
Errything I knew was unevolved like a Baptist
Laying on my matress
Praying I could have this, and
Now when I get Tinder matches
They think they've been Catfished
Now I been controlling how we living like a facist
Now I got this weight up off my shoulders like a strapless
Remember this shit was hapless
Remember the day it happened
Aw, you the shit Dave, you be killing everything you did
Got the whole world talking all about what you did
Got your old girl talking all about what you is
Got your old world looking like it's his you ain't here
I been fucking for the fuck of it
And one of the bitches I been fucking with
Been wondering how I can work this much and stomach it
She wonders what I want from it
I said, "We don't gotta get into it"
She like "Nah, just do it"
She a psychology student
She always following up
Find the guy to be amusing as fuck
Usually I'll answer her truthfully
But truthfully, I'm unusually used to being unusually good at internalizing when music is not provided
But I humor hoe
Ask her if she ever saw the Truman Show
She like yeah
I like well, when I saw that shit I was convinced I was living like Jim
A similar situation where I was the basis of everyone's entertainment
Like really up in the basement talkin to y'all
In the mirror because I thought Lil David was some American hero
I know it's selfish and all
But I just felt it's my call
I was a ten year old then
By 2010 I was wrong
I'm like

"Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You the motherfucker though"
I know
That shit became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rocking with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm going crazy
I'm just playing, I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

Twenty three bars up in my apartment
I am debarred
Gotta do this shit
I gotta recharge
But I gotta be smart
Moving up that ladder company
Star, fuck it, that ain't nothing
I am *the* star
Spitting like a retard
Work was like a prison
I'm just seeing bars
My boss was all up in my camp
And I'm just seeing Lars
I been a heavyweight, Muhammad Ali
And if he can mold that out of "Clay"
Then I can turn the Lil D
So now I'm snapping like I'm Truman
But off and on
There's always something in the way
I should be often gone
Girl I'm sorry if this dragging
I just need you to imagine
Being stuck up on the land without a captain
When everyday is average
And everyday you feeling like a captive
And feel like something seriously lacking
And then you fear what could happen if you just leave it on the table like napkins
But, yo, you really fearing hitting them rappin's and leaving everything behind
Cause you don't know what that horizon brings
But girl you gotta know what kind of fish you is
Survival instinct kicked in
Sink or swim
I flipped a playlist
Quit my day gig
Now, I'm on a boat, Lonely Island
Irony, and you still been trying to figure how I work this tirelessly
But girl
This is everything I've thought
This for everything I've fought
This for who I am to me becomes to y'all

(Go)
They telling me "nah"
But I just be telling them "yeah" (Go)
I just be telling them "yeah" (Go)
I just be telling them "yeah"
Tell 'em I'm gone (Yeah)
I just pretend I ain't scared (Go)
Don't even know I was there (Go)
Don't even know if I care
Cause girl this is Truman approaching the wall
Until I'm me I am nothing at all
Until I'm free I will not see beyone
I had to be who I was all along
Ay [crash]

I think I mighta broke it down
Hopping on the fucking steps like ain't no around
Open up that door, you bet, ship ain't going down
Guess the only thing left is to take a bow

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherfucker shit
I know
This ship became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rocking with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm going crazy
I'm just praying, I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

(Just I know) Fuck! (Just I know (echo))
That felt good
Well, that's all I got
The show is over, as they say

Honestly, I just think that part in the Truman Show where his boat hits the wall is really the exact
Moment that I'm at in my own life right now
Uh... metaphorically, of course
And I'm ready for I think I'm read for it
Like I've been thinking about it, I think I'm ready
I mean, if I'm being completely transparent with y'all
Uh, like my lifestyle hasn't really changed that much
Uh, you know, considering, uh, where I think I'm at musically
Like I'm still at the point right now where pretty much any bitch that tweets at me anything remotely flirtatious
I have seen not just one of your pictures, I have seen the entire catalog
That's the type of shit that's going down over here right now, so...
I am definitely ready for that, uh, next step, y'know what I'm sayin'?
I think it's close, too
I think it's close
Like, uh, Diddy tweeted about me
Uh, y'know, that... I don't know if he handles his own Twitter
I would assume he probably doesn't, actually
But, like, I'm so confident that I feel as though, like, me and Diddy will have a moment just about this outro
Like when we're both sitting next to each other smoking cigars
And being like, "Ay, remember when you said that shit on that outro?"
Like, and I'm like, "Yeah. That's, this is the exact moment I I did that for, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Bring the bring the beat back up. I don't know why
Like, keep, loop everything. I wanna be talking for minutes, yeah, uh, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Like, uh, shout out my Macbook Pro
Had that shit since '09
I made my first song ever on it
Like, when I called myself Lil Dicky
I made my, like, fucking album song on that shit
And we survived, baby

Uh, shoutout Allen Iverson, Larry David, Will Smith, and Kobe Bryant
For making me the man that I am today
Both on and off the court

Shout out my mother
What a great woman
She's so mad I recorded these conversations
She she honestly went crazy
It took so much convincing to allow this
But, she's awesome
She's adapting to the rap game, as we all are

Look, I just want to get this to a place where I can sell TMZ pictures of my actual asshole
Heh, y'know?
Cause, well, I, I think that'd be such a feat
If I could actually create, like, an alt alias
And sell TMZ pictures of my own asshole
Like, profit off of that
That, I would totally do it
I don't know why Seth Rogen's not already doing it
I don't, I'm seeing the signs that it's not, I'm
I think I'm seeing the signs
I hope I am
If I'm really just misreading all these signs
Then, I am 100% gonna have, like, a legitimate nervous breakdown
Uh, at some point very soon
So, we'll find out about that
But I see some signs
Like, like I really am not fucking that much
But, like, the other day I did fuck a bitch to music
Like, I fucked a bitch to some Miguel
And that's kind of new for me if I'm being real
Like, I had never actually done it before
But I was feeling like I was some king shit
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
So, I was like, "Man, Imma fuck this bitch to some Miguel right now"
Uh, actually to be completely real to you, I, I will never fuck a girl to music again
I found the whole thing to feel, like, completely cliche
Like, I don't need my emotions dictated to me by, like, music
It makes me feel like I'm in a TV scene
Takes all the, like, realness out of the moment for me
Like, actually, was actually super weirded out by it

So, but still, like, I am about to let my hair down
And, I don't know, I just feel like it's all coming
I feel like, like, I'm literally, like, about to find out about everything
And it's exciting
And, I, y'know, I, I had pinkeye last week
And I remember thinking that, as I, like, was like, real down
Cause I was, like, trying to keep recording and shit
But I was thinking, "What would Michael Jordan do?"
And he would play through the pinkeye
So that's why I'm in here
I'm still not fully recovered, y'know what I'm sayin'?
I, I'm definitely clearing up
Like, it's totally on the upswing
But, I just want you know I did record this shit through pinkeye

Alright, I could talk for fucking years
Legitimate years
This is an outro to an out
You see how long I talk with outros to songs
But, goddamn
Look, I need to get out of here
I'm 'bout to go take a Khalifa
Rest up
That's right, I did invent that phrase just there
"Take a Khalifa"
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
I also invented "That's what she said"
But I get no credit for it
Uh, oh, shoutout to Dickheads, obviously
Funding this whole operation
Whatchu know about a Kickstarter, man?
Whatchu know about the best fans in the world?
Seriously
Thank you guys, I appreciate it
Honestly, you made my dreams come true, and that's fact
Couldn't have done this without y'all
Uh, I'd like to shoutout my dick
I know, y'know, we haven't had the smoothest relationship
But, I feel as though by kind of putting our issues out there
Like, we have become something bigger than we could have become otherwise
And, hopefully soon you will be rewarded for your patience
And I will be rewarded for my patience
I, and, I respect you
I'd like to shoutout my brain
My brain got the hardest verse on the whole goddamn album
I hope my brain starts getting some feature looks
But he don't just hop on shit

Fuck, I, I got nothing left
I'm out
I'm a professional rapper
Long live LD
And in case I don't see ya
"Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight."