This Changes Nothing

(album: Over It - 2021)

Now you can be sad, or numb
That's the option I've been given
Between the two, I think I'd rather just be done with living
Now I'm lying to the doctor just to stay off of prescriptions
I'd rather die whole than to live with something missing
Besides, they can't prescribe the things I really need
Love and some good friends, rolling up some weed
She saying that my anger always gets the best of me
"You're just covering the symptoms, you're not curing the disease"
"Nah, I think you're bipolar, you need to go to therapy"
"It's not that I don't love you, it's just that you're kind of scaring me"
How it feels to know the ones I love are scared of me
Like they can't take me anywhere, I'm always so embarrassing
Today, my shattered life is in shambles
Try to move on but it seems I'm at a standstill
And so I spend most of my time, all by myself
So that when I self-harm at least I hurt nobody else, yeah

Now I'm so far gone
I'm not sure why I'm holding on
Don't you tell me it's okay
No, nothing's ever been so wrong
'Cause I hate living in my skin
Tried so hard, I don't fit in
Maybe one day I'll come home
And you can waste my time again

Yeah, what you know about emotions? They control you
What you know about it when they say they miss the old you?
The suicidal one who figured out some things instead
Now they say they liked you better when you wished that you were dead
Well I guess, now you're getting your request
Here it is, 2020 almost killed me, '21 could do the trick
What you know about only getting through the night because
If you can wait another year you'll get to join the 27 club?
A lot of things changed, new whip, new bracket
Put another friend in a baby-blue casket
Another month spent crying in my basement
Ask me where my Glock is, ask me how my day went
How do I explain my life is like an empty frame?
Like a stencil that's still waiting to be drawn onto the page
Saying everything is fine, yeah, I'll be okay
Well, I dream of my own suicide every fucking day

Now I'm so far gone
I'm not sure why I'm holding on
Don't you tell me it's okay
No, nothing's ever been so wrong
'Cause I hate living in my skin
Tried so hard, I don't fit in
Maybe one day I'll come home
And you can waste my time again

'Cause all I do now is overthink
Throw me in now, then watch me sink
Always anxious, I can't breathe
I just want to get some sleep

(Get some sleep)
I'm in pain
All I know eternal disdain
(Why can't I sleep?)
Trying to improve enhancing my mood
But I know pretty soon it's back to my ways
(Get some sleep)
Back to my roots and back to my vices
Starting anew: my mental health crisis
(Why can't I sleep?)
I'm no prize see through my disguises
Jakovite been radicalized it's time it's