Fake ID

(album: The Language Of My World - 2005)

Ladies and gentleman, my name is Macklemore. This is my music, and it feels so damn good right about now. Check it, I got a story, yo, it goes a little something like

When I was seventeen I was staying in NYC
And my homie told me where I could get a fake ID
"Ayo, son, you better get that shit when you in NY" (okay)
So I hopped on the subway and I gave it a try
To my pleasant surprise the ID looked fine
5'9", blues eyes, born in nineteen-seventy-nine (just right)
Nervous as hell, I went to the store with my homie
Came out and yelled "Dawg, they sold me a 40"
Yeah, you know that I was the man
Buying liquid contraband with a fake ass hologram
No more looking for bums, standing in the rain
Stranded on Broadway and giving 'em all my change
For the rest of the summer man I was on fades
Seventeen, had it made, getting drunk everyday
Ayy, I got treated a whole new way
Because of a piece of plastic that proved I was of age

You know what I'm saying, all of a sudden you get this little piece of plastic and you're in the club. Seventeen like bah! Check it out, it's like this, yo

Now for the next three years I had so much fun
Getting drunk in hip-hop clubs where you had to be twenty-one
Then one day I was walking and I saw a sign
That said KRS-One twenty-one up and live
That's hella tight
Ayo I heard he always ripped it
So I hopped up in my Civic and went out to buy a ticket
When I got up the the door the bouncer checking IDs
Looks at mine and he's like "Nah, we don't take these"
I tried to reach and grab my shit back
But the motherfucker was tougher than Shaq, on crack
I should've punched him, but I would have reached his knee cap
And that probably wouldn't have hurt him very much
He kept laughing and smiling, he called me a dumb shit
And if I would've let myself I would have cried in public
Oh no, I'm like "Give it back, bro!"
But no, my ID was jacked by the Caucasian Deebo

Ha I'm laughing right now but at the time it really was not funny and it's still not very funny. Fucker

Bitch why you got to take my ID?
Why do I have to be 21 to drink a Long Island Iced Tea?
I hate bouncers with their bald heads and ten-foot tall legs
And shirts that they outgrew when they were like ten
Get 'em
Your mother is dumb for having you
You're a bouncer because you have a small dick and as a kid everyone laughed at you
Get 'em
You're too big and you never seemed to listen
You look injected with the shit they give to KFC chickens
Get 'em
I don't like ya, at all I despise you
If I was tall I would fight you
If I was a dog I would bite you
Every single day you make people cry
And your job is to go and ruin teenager's lives

OK I'm going too far bouncers aren't all bad
I'm sure they make great husbands and really strong dads
But hopefully you learned a lesson from me
Never take an MC's fake ID
Yup, I said never take an MC's fake ID
You could be buff and tough, it don't matter to me
'Cause you're gonna get burned if you step to MCs