I Am Pagliacci

(album: Never Slept Better - 2022)

I kid, I kid around
I kid, I kid around
'Cause I don't like myself
Sometimes
I just don't like myself
The way I am
The way I am

Growing up bi-racial wasn't fun
The proverbial sore thumb
But I knew who I was from day one

I used humor to cover up my sadness
And triple X FUBU to cover up my man tits
White girls loved me 'cause I was kinda black
But too black to introduce me to mom and dad
Then there's a point in which you start to get exhausted
For tryna keep these skeletons from spilling out the closet

I blogged about my break down when I nearly lost it
Exercising my demons, had they asses doing crossfit
I got 99 reasons to keep from leaving my apartment
98 are human beings the other's because I'm cautious

Sometimes I bite my fingernails 'til they bloody
Might skip a few showers but my friends still love me
And I know it might seem a little stupid
I'm almost in my 40s still chubby and reclusive

I kid, I kid around
I kid, I kid around
'Cause I don't like myself
Sometimes
I just don't like myself
The way I am
The way I am

When every morning's like stepping on a bunch of loose Legos
Nothing sentimental when your own body feels like a rental
Plus my sink ain't even working
I think they cut the water
I'm at the brink at 10 AM my head's already cluttered
So I went to see this shrink and he wrote a prescription said
"There's a clown in town, pay him a visit
I guarantee you by the end of the show you'll be cured of all your sorrow"
I said, "Doc, sit down, there's something you should know"
(Let me take some notes here)
I am that clown, I been the clown
And I always kid around tryna kill the clown
And you don't really care
You just play a doctor on television
With an overpriced leather chair for me to bitch in
"Well I've assessed the story and I think that I should mention
I just prescribe the pills and get paid to listen"

'Cause I don't like myself
Sometimes
I just don't like myself
The way I am
The way I am