How To Be An Indie Rapper

(album: Lars Attacks! - 2011)

[Intro]
Good morning children
Children, please sit down
You all know me, Superintendent GTB
We have something, extra special this morning
Something ay sit down, Gracie, Xavier
there's not going to be any of that, sit down
We have two very special professors with us today
MC Lars, and Weerd Science {YAYYYYYY!}
They're here to teach all of us how to be, indie rappers

[Weerd Science]
[clears throat] AHEM!
Here's a little rap about the steps that it takes
to be an indie rapper, or who knows, one day one of the greats
I'm not saying that it's easy but these steps can help
if you follow 'em close you could carve out a career for yourself
STEP ONE! Get your hide ready to tour in a van
The limelight might sparkle but it's not real man
STEP TWO! You've got to flood the internet with material
Go serial, 'til it spreads like venereal
STEP THREE! You've got to keep a close eye on your ticket stubs
The only bottles you'll be poppin is the water from the club
STEP FOUR! You can forget about the champagne and filets
cause it's more like Tostitos and old PB&J
STEP FIVE! This is probably one of the most important
Never sign to a major and let your heart get extorted
STEP SIX! You've got to book all the shows that you can
And hopefully you get a chance to win the headliner's stance
STEP SEVEN! Never mind all the pointin and the laughin
Your girl won't be psyched you spent all your time rappin
STEP EIGHT! Remember hip-hop's about being true
Gotta go, peace, Weerd Science, more work to do

[Chorus: repeat 2X]
How to be an indie rapper class is in session
Take notes, and learn your lesson
It's Weerd Science and MC Lars
If you follow our steps, you can go far

[MC Lars]
A is for the albatross they call a day job
B is for the beats make sure they sound way hot
C is for the cash you collect on the road
D is for the drives that you make to get to shows
E is for the energy on stage that you need
F is for the food, your band you need to feed
G is for the gross on merch that you get
H is for the half that goes to costs, don't get upset
I is for your income, also known as net
J is for the journey, who knows what to expect?
K keep the L love, M major labels um
N-O never sign to one, P keep your publishin
Q is for Quickbooks, R save your receipts
S for social networking, T technology
U understand that building takes time
V viral videos can supplement your rhymes
On your brand dot com, W use the web
Know it takes X years, a lot of work and sweat
Y is for the "yes yes y'all" on the mic
Z, zero compromise, you can stack that paper high

[Chorus]

[MC Lars]
We be ballin on that indie rap tip (rap tip)
Got a knot in my pocket that I'm happy to split
Because a strong PMA goes a really long way
when you find a niche to build from and you have a lot to say

[Weerd Science]
Find your own voice! That's a good point Lars (thanks)
Whether you're rockin amphitheatres or playin half-filled bars
You've got to bring it every night; if there's five people there
they could be the five that spark and ignite your whole career

[MC Lars]
Hustlenomics 2.0, slangin similes and metaphors
Alliterative assonance is what these kids all came here for
We grab it, tag it, sell it, brand it, put it on the internet
Interject and come correct, intercept that gingerbread

[Weerd Science]
Finding your own image in a business of copycats
It's hard MC Lars, you copy that? (Copy that)
You figured out how to pay rent and be in this business
Make a song about that I'm all ears like Will Smith is

[Chorus]

[Outro]
That's it kids
Be sure to do your homework for Monday's assignment
"How to use tax writeoffs as a way to charge things
as business expenses, that aren't really
and it's not that ethical" [nervous laughter]