Love Yourself Parody

This is a song that I wrote about my ex
Yeah that's right it's me, it's Selena Gomez
Even though we broke up I still want to have sex
No!
Then why the hell are you still here in my bed?
Good question!
This sounds just like an Ed Sheeran song
Cos I'm too busy apologizing to write songs alone so called this red-haired weirdo
Cos he knows how to write a hit
Even though he looks like a drunk troll doll and Rupert Grint
Hooked up and a had a kid
Just said, Ed let's write a tune it will be fun
And I knew if it was a hit I'd make a ton
So even though he's kind of a douche
I wrote him this pretty song but he's so dumb
He got the meaning of it wrong

What do you mean?
I know what it's about
It's about learning how to love yourself
Because sometimes
You can't
Convince your ex to bone you
So you have to love yourself

I need to find myself some privacy
Cos I can't wait to get back to loving me
Are you serious?
Dude the lyric 'Love yourself' doesn't mean masturbate
Ai yi yi
Mister Bieber!
Oh my God it's the maid.

Guess I better put my dong away
Now my maid is traumatized so I better give her a big tip
I already got it
Shit now all of my lotions' gone
And my hand's dry so I need something to rub my dick with
Hey I'll check the kitchen

If you're coming in here you better not be nude
I'm just looking for something I can use as lube
Justin that's not what this song's about!
By the way why are you still here in my house?
Good question!
Listen see, this song is about

I'm sorry that I screamed I've changed my mind
Mister Bieber show me your ding-a-ling
What the hell
Justin surprise
it's me
You're dad, I need more money
Damn what do you feed that thing?
Wow!

Dad please stop staring at my cock and balls
It's not fair yours is so big mine is so small
Dad that's really weird
Aren't you kind of scared of that thing?
No not at all
Oh my god
I think I finally understand this song

Mister Bieber you can have sex with me
Cos then you will not have to love yourself
This moron still does not understand this song's lyrics
Argh I want to kill myself!
Justin I've decided we should get back together I love you and no one else
Selena you're a bitch and I found someone better so you can go fuck yourself

I finally understand the true meaning of this song
It means you should fall in love with yourself
And in term, be sexually aroused by your own reflection
Hey yo… Dad!
Ya son!
Hand me your lube!
Hell ya. I'ma be here for a while.
I watch! I watch!
God damn it! No, that's not what this is about, Justin! I can't take this anymore.
You know what this song is not even about Selena Gomez.
I'm going back to England.
Baby… baby… baby…
Aaaa-chiwawa