Pine Tar Wars

Well, the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times
Carried the story in big headlines
How Kansas City George was robbed that day
When Tar Baby Billy took his bat away

It was two men out in the top a' the ninth
It was one a' them classic settin's
The Goose on the mound in that Big Apple town
And George is up there batting

As the crowd chants "Goose!"
He turns it loose
With fire and smoke and ash
George sends it deep
In the right field seats
Another timely crash

As he rounded third and he headed on home
Was a gleam in Billy's eye
Dick wondered "What's he up to now?
"I know this guy's real sly"

Billy grabbed the bat as both teams sat
In awe upon the benches
Says, "There ya are! That there's pine tar!
"An' it's a whole lot more'n eighteen inches!"

Tar Baby Billy can you hear our song?
Did you cry about the game last night?
Cry Baby Billy tell us all what's wrong?
All you wanna do is fight
You like a child, kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes
That's the way you've always been
So now we're gonna take that pine tar rag
And rub it in your face again

So Tim thought it through, and he asked the crew
Then with bat in hand, he shouted
"You're out! The home run just don't count!
"I'm gonna have ta disallow it!"

Well, the sky was clear and the day was hot
But George was even hotter
Till Lee got wise, and said "Hey, you guys!
"This claim ain't a-gonna hold water"

Tar Baby Billy can you hear our song?
Did you cry about the game last night?
Cry Baby Billy tell us all what's wrong?
All you wanna do is fight
You like a child, kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes
That's the way you've always been
So now we're gonna take that pine tar rag
And rub it in your face again

Well, the fans was riled and suits was filed
To create a long dee-lay
Then Billy's team, apparently
Was just afraid to play

Now the stage was set and Billy bet
That he had the upper hand
But Billy was fooled when the big court ruled
"You gonna play this game, as planned!"

Well, Tar Baby Billy can you hear our song?
Did you cry about the game last night?
Cry Baby Billy tell us all what's wrong?
All you wanna do is fight
You like a child, kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes
That's the way you've always been
So now we're gonna take that pine tar rag
And rub it in your face again

With affidavits (notarized)
That George had touched 'em all
The umpire said, "We a step ahead
"Gonna put an end to Billy Ball"

"We done heard the call for Billy Ball
"We ain't never gonna hear it again
"Just like the cheer for Billy's Beer
"When the Democrats was in"

Now the game they played that summer day
Won't be famous for the scores
But the incidents that have happened since
Will be remembered as Tar Wars

Tar Baby Billy can you hear our song?
Did you cry about the game last night?
Cry Baby Billy tell us all what's wrong?
All you wanna do is fight
You like a child, kicking dirt on the umpire's shoes
That's the way you've always been
So now we're gonna take that pine tar rag
And rub it in your face again