Curtains

Not really myself or haven't been for a while
In the front of my house smoking a black and mild
I swear the other day I almost ended it all
Like 45 minutes after we ended that call
You told me that I was dealing with it better than you
I was dying but I was just happy to know it was you
My friends say it's like suicide
That I really can't get over you and I
And life was so much different in my head about six years ago
Maybe I'm just tripping, crying out, but you don't hear me though
Got so many issues on my mind that cause these tears to flow
You disappear and go, that's what cause my fears to grow
I wonder who would really miss me, like genuinely miss me
Do I matter at all? Does anyone want to see me get to sixty?
Ha, sorry for the transparency, I can only be real
I bleed like you, I think like you
I definitely feel, I'm just human
In my room thinking about life
I think about more the wrongs I've done, more than I think about rights
I think about more the lows I've seen, more than I think about highs
I think I deserve to be happy, cause I'm a genuine person that tries
I know when it's crazy, all of my friends is having their babies
I feel like life is passing me by, feel like I'm going straight crazy
It's deeper than what you know stop going off the surface
Hoping that you'll be here right next to me when they close the curtains

Really surprised that I'm alive
Remembering conversations I had with God
As I sat and listened he told me what's mine is mine
I'm learning to be patient and shut up from time to time
I got some questions, so I'mma call her
Mr. Clam what's up with your daughter?
Sorry to bother, but I know that she listens to her father
Maybe you can talk to her, cause I feel like the sewer
Thinking that if I should pursue her, further
Further more, hoes text me when they not sober
Asking if they can come over
Asking me if I'm a smoker
Light a L, blow it, roll it, smoke another, that ain't me
I'm just trying rid the pain
Told her I ain't trying to be, I just need
My baby, my lady
I need some time to think
I'm growing up so fast, things get different when I blink
I know it's just a phase but right now I can't seem to breathe
Thinking that love ain't no emotion, it's a real disease
I know, we rush back and don't know exactly what life is
But I'm here and I'll have your back through any one of your crisis
Don't never stress, ever worry
Your feelings to me is priceless
Please say something, please say something
I'm sick and tired of your silence
While I'm sitting inside of my car
Four in the morning, looking at the stars
I think about you when I think of the stars
But more of how you feeling and how you are
Look, it's deeper than what you know, stop going off the surface
Hoping that you'll be here right next to me when they close the curtains