LIFE LESSONS FROM AMBER MAMA

(album: CINCORIGINALS - 2020)

Freely, I'm saying
Uuh, okay, here you go
Here's 10 minutes, here's 30 minutes, here's 60 minutes
By the time it's all over, I have zero minutes left to make the difference
But keep making a difference for everybody else
Making the difference so that my quality impacts my life and it's able to impact others
So consciously thinking from this point forward, you've already seen it, so you can't pull it back
But from this point forward consciously thinking
I'm not going to feel or feed that spirit
Cos that's what you're doing
Cos every time you ever come back
Somebody else is in preparation of a comeback
Somebody is always, oh, she got there, well lemme, I got this to say
And that person comes back and gives you a bit more
And then you again, If I die in my sleep tonight, I need to be assured that you know how to navigate the rest of your life without falling victim to having to explain yourself every time
I keep telling stop feeding that, stop feeding all of that, it's not necessary
Each person, trust me when I say, people know when they've either done right or they've done wrong
You don't have to, you don't have to say you know what, you did me wrong
They, trust me when I say, they already know
And it's a couple of scenarios that's playing in their minds
Either they don't give a shit, or they are hurt and embarrassed and they don't know how to come to you or they got shit going on in their life
Or ultimately they want you going about your business and they want to be going about theirs
So you are in the position where you can say
Me responding to this negativity, how is that going to be a positive impaction on my life so that I can impact others

So whatever... whatever says the...
So whatever your mimi says to whoever
Your dad, whatever, you have to be okay
You have to be able to... and let that go
Because again, you are freely given
It's just like you have a shirt, a blouse, a bra, a pair of panties and your shoes that's a better analogy
So you're walking down the street and here comes somebody with some bullshit, alright here is my shirt, you walk a little further and here come somebody else
They didn't come see me, they didn't, they knew I was sick, here are my pants
So now you're walking down the streets in your bra, your panties, and your shoes
Then you turn the corner and here come somebody else with yeeeen, and it's here
And then you holding on to grief right now, and you're mulling over it daily, here my shoes
So now you're walking in your bra and your panties down the street with no shoes on
And then somebody's nagging you at your back cos you are still holding on to and harboring
They hurt me, they don't come see me, they don't love me, what did I do?
Do I take my panties off first or my bra? Here's my bra
So now you're walking down the street in just your panties
So the thing is, do you want to be butt ball barenaked
And allow people to, cos now you have nothing on
But guess what, their behavior is not going to change
The only person you have control over is who?
Yourself... huh... exactly
But you, sweetheart, you have to be, you have to come to a place of nirvana where you can dance and let it go
It's a work in progress, and I'm glad you at least able to verbalize
I don't give a shit, I don't have to put up a blah blah blah blah blah
But don't hold that here, first, don't hold it here
Cos when you hold it here it settles here
And when it settles here, all of this gets messed up and then that's when you end up where? back in the hospital
I'm not going back to the hospital behind nobody for no reason
Because right now we are consciously aware of what we have to do in order to avoid that
So whatever feelings you has right now, I promise you, He already knows
Your dad already knows, your mimi already knows
And again, I've already told you, some of those people have never changed over — you're almost thirty years old
Their behavior has been the same since day one
If they have not changed since day one, do you think they're gonna change? No!
So again, you pray, let that shit go, release it
Because I promise you, the same way you end up back in the hospital, do you think they gon' come see you? No
And if I'm around, that's why I've kept my mouth closed, I haven't picked up the phone, called your dad, called anybody in the side of the family
Cos I am at peace
Cos whatever we are doing, I keep God first, I'm focusing on everyday
You propelling yourself, not because you want to prove something to anybody but to yourself
Okay?
So breathe, you already seen it, it's... I mean that's okay to say to your brother and I guarantee you, he's going to share it with everybody and that's okay
But don't let that be the consumption of your day, your weekend, your week, your month
That energy that it took you to type that, I'd rather you research on some exercises that you can do to strengthen your legs
What I can do to get some strength back into my hands
What I can do to sit up in the bed more
What I can do to start dangling my feet on the side
My feet haven't touch the floor in a year
"Oh... more than a year"
Yeah...so that's... my point is, that energy ...voovoo
And you can say it, now that you've said that
Next response is, look dude, I love you, love you to life
I'm trying to get out of this bed
I'm trying to learn how to sit up again
I'm trying to learn how to sit on the toilet again
I'm trying to learn how to walk again
I'm trying to learn how to dress myself again
I have some things that I need to do and focusing on negative
"Well, we were actually talking about something totally different I brought up, so"
And that's what I'm saying, you, that's your brother again
But you have to find a space in here, where you can say
You love your brother, right?
Pray for him, and you have to... father keep stuff in his heart so that he can come see me
No, that's not the prayer
Father, I give my brother to you
I promise you
I didn't speak to your grandpa for years because of hurt, anger and confusion
For years, I wasn't concerned that he...
Somebody, bring him up, I was like okay and I went about my business
I didn't feed him to that
But it came a point in time when things dramatically were changing in my life, where I saw softening in his heart
Now did he change? Absolutely not!
But how I chose to handle him? Maturely
And then, guess what happened?
You were witness to it
I was daddy's girl, right?
So again, you gonna have to find some peace, sweetheart
Otherwise, you gonna be lying in this bed, you have nothing else to do
Surrounded by four walls, can't go outside, can't get out of the bed
You gonna be laying in the bed
My brother, he didn't come see me...
My dad, my step mum...
Girl, rewind and replay other things that are going to get you out of this bed, okay?
Okay... okay...