Whore! Where Are You?!

(album: Shhh...Don't Tell - 2004)

Whore! You get out here! You hear me? You get your whore ass out here!
Whore?! I don't need this today, whore! Do not defy me, whore! Show me your whore face or your really gonna be in for it!
All right, that's it, whore! I'm coming after you! I'm tired of your whore bullshit!
Are you in... the bedroom? Whore? No! Not in the bedroom... I bet the whore is in... the guest room...
No whore! Maybe there's a whore under the guest bed...?
What?! No whore again! Well, then, where the fuck is the whore?! Whore!
You meet me in the living room! I'm not fucking around anymore, whore!
I'm counting to three! One... Two... Where the fuck are you!? Bitch
Whore! That's it! Three!... Whore, whatever I did, I'm sorry... I take it all back, whore...
Come on, whore, I'll take the swing dance class with you... I was in a bad mood when you asked!

[Doorbell rings]
Now what? Yes?
How you doin'?
Fine, can I help you?
I have a FedEx here for Miss... Carochy?
Oh, I don't think she's here right now...
All right, well, you wanna sign for it?
Ah, definitely... uh... uh, what do I do?
What do you do? Ah... you write your name right here...
I'm not used to signing for stuff... the whore usually takes care of all that kind of bullshit...
I see... well...
I don't know where she is! Ya know, it's not like the whore disappeared without leaving a note like that...
Uh... I'm not sure who you're talking about...
That's no biggie... But, hey, if you do see the whore, you tell to come home, she'll get what's coming to her...
Okay...
Hey, you have a good one, huh?
Yeah, you too
Sure...
[Door closes]

Fucking FedEx... Who's mailing shit to the whore? That's what I wanna know... God damn whore getting overnight mail... I'm not gonna open it...
I don't want the whore calling me a snoop or sum shit...
[Pours drink and sips]
[Throws glass and breaks]
Where are you?! Whore?!
[Door opens and closes]

Hi babe!
Where the hell were you, whore?! I was freaking out over here!
I went to the bank... I saw Carol and we had coffee
Uh... Wha? Oh! How is Carol?
She's okay... she's dealing with a lot of crap right now with the divorce...
That's the tough... thing... You would never want to divorce me, right, whore?
No! And would you stop calling me whore? It was fun last night, let's just keep it in the bedroom
Yes! I mean, sorry about that, Tina... Oh! I got a FedEx for you! I signed for it and everything!
Oh, thanks... Just leave it over there, I'll open it later...
Definitely! You open it whenever you want! It's your FedEx!
Oh, one more thing... I forgot to pick up sum diet soda for the girls, they're coming over later... Could you go to the store for me now?
No problem, Tina
Thanks, sweetie... I'm gonna go take a shower...
Really! Cause... uh... maybe I could come take shower with you...?
No... no... They're gonna be here soon
All right...
Sum other time, though, okay?
Next time's good... I'll go get the soda, Tina... See you in a bit, huh?
Okay, bye! Don't take too long
Okay, bye bye...
[Door opens and closes]

[Whistling]
[Bird chirps]
Look at that bird... Stupid bird, get your ass out of here! Fucking whore bird just shit on me! God damn whore bird! You'll get yours! Now I need a tissue! He fucking shit on me! He's the one who should get a tissue! Bitch!