I'm Okay I Swear

Spent a lot of time tryna find myself but
I'm not quite sure it helped
When my grandpa died I was lost for a while
It was struggle with my mental health
I thought I knew God at one point
And maybe I did
But we just lost touch
Or maybe I was just a kid that thought
He knew way too much

Either way
I'm lost still
Gotta wear my cross still
Cuz without it I feel so awful
Maybe I'm just not built
To live a life that's so docile
I can't be taught or managed
By myself or anybody
I'm too young with too much money
I should love what I'm becoming
But I don't
And it's almost funny at this point
What more is there for me to do?
A whole lot but I'm not sure it'll clear all the blues
Whether I'm off of the grid
Or the top of the news
I'm in my thoughts
Tryna figure what makes me who
I really am
And maybe that's anxiety talkin
I care a little bit too much
About the people that's watchin
I see the end of the road, then I end up stopping
And maybe that's just so I don't end up knocking
On the door of the end so soon
I don't got to bed till I see no moon
I care about this life so much then
I spend it in my room
Assuring myself I'll be good soon
The irony kills me too
But that's how I've been let me
Let me
Let me hear about you

I don't feel much no more
I'm like a fraction of the person that I was before
If my therapist heard this I'm pretty sure
That she would tell me it's not good to ignore
All of the trauma that I've built in my head
What trauma though?
I swear all of that happened so long ago
I've been okay
For all the past days
I'm not sure what changed but everything's great
I promise
If you saw how clear it is you'd be astonished
And all those demons well they're goners
Why are you looking at me like that?
I swear I'm being honest

I'm sorry bout that
I swear I'm not mad
I guess I detached
Where did I leave at
Oh yes I'm okay
So you can go away
There's no more old days
Just leave me so please
I'm

I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear that I am

So why do I feel this again
I'd trade the world just to be content
But when I see myself don't know who I am
I think that I'm the one I'm fighting against

Wake up Jon
Please wake up
Know you love this world you're in but it's made up
I know there's a part of you that contains a
Whole lot of tragedy
So you became a
Shell of a person that you were before
I'm not sure
If you're even still in there anymore
But if you are please let me in
Because a whole lot's happened ever since
You've been gone
And everybody's asking me what went wrong
And what am I supposed to say to them, Jon?
Oh yeah he checked out for a few years
But I'm quite sure one day he gone reappear
And as scary it sounds, you should have no fear
Cause he's in a better place now that he's not here
Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over well
Matter of fact, why don't you go tell them yourself?

Wake up Jon
Please wake up
Know you love this world you're in but it's made up
I know there's a part of you that contains a
Whole lot of tragedy
And some pain but
I need you right now
The voices are getting too loud
I've got my head up in the clouds
Trying to avoid all the sound
I'm lost

I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear I am
I'm okay I swear that I am

So why am I crying again
I lose myself just to be content
But in the process I can feel myself dying
And I don't know where my mind has been