Nostalgia

(album: Top Of The Line - 2016)

First time I ever set eyes on you it was love at first sight
You was so young, your mom told me that she got a son, and you were the love of her life
As time went on, me and you bonded
I fathered you, I was so proud to be a dad
We were so broke, I promised you that one day I would get rid of the problems we had
I hope you accept my apology
All the fights and the drunk nights that you saw in the past
You never chose sides, we were so sad
But when it came to happiness you're all we really had, you're an angel
So happy-go-lucky, such a good soul, words can't express
You had a gift of making people fall in love with you
You affected every single person you met
And we ain't have much, we spoiled you to death
Anything you wanted you can have, I still laugh
Think about the holiday when you snuck and ate a whole cheesecake we ain't even get mad, that's your favorite
We was so stressed out, we were about to lose the house that we stayed in
I was trying to be a rapper, we could've moved in my parents basement but couldn't bring you
Really you're the one that made me quit trying to rap, so I went and got a job so that we could get a house, I'd do anything for you
You, me, and your mom moved with your grandma
It was us three stuck in a little room
Finally had a place to play outside, I would love to see you run, like a dream coming true
I was riding in my car to some tracks one day, played this beat, started thinking of you and now I'm...

Looking in my rear view
Wishing I was near you
It's quiet here without ya
And I've been thinking about ya
Feeling of nostalgia

I hated my job, I loved coming home
I would lay in bed with you for hours on end
Me and your mom were obsessed with you
Cause you were momma's baby boy, and daddy's best friend
But daddy ain't been, home a lot lately
To play with, I tried to set you down and explain
That I got a new job, that I wanted all my life, and that everything might possibly change
That I'ma have to go out of town for some months but when I'm home, I'ma be around every day
And when I'm gone I'ma need you to look out for your mom, keep her company while daddy's away
Your momma sends pics of you and her in bed
I would feel bad thinking that you thought I left
But I was saving bread so we could finally have our own place, live a life that we should've always had
And I did that
Now you're spoiled even more cause instead of being cramped now you got your own room
Your mom quit her job, and you and her could chill every day
For the most part, I'd be home too
And life is looking bright, used to see it so blue
We finally were content, had a daily routine
I made a bunch of songs with your name in them
I would come into your room, hugging you and I would sing
You were always treated like a king
Cause you were everything that mattered to us and I would hate to see your cute face crying
Cause you knew that I was leaving for a tour
Always hated when I go and grab that red suitcase out the closet
You'd look at me and say you promise, you stayed by your mom when I'm gone
I'll be back in a couple of months, give me kisses I'll be missing you a ton
Homesick every time I'm...

Looking in my rear view
Wishing I was near you
It's quiet here without ya
And I've been thinking about ya
Feeling of nostalgia

You grew up so fast, but you always had a baby face so it's hard for me to tell
You were sick on and off
We were just rough-housing on the bed, good to see you getting well
I had to go to Omaha for a show, but your mom called me up and told me that you slipped and fell
But you were limping, we figured that you twisted something and had to give it time to tell
I got home and you were breathing funny and your hip was big as hell
Your momma said that she began to see it swell
This morning, this isn't normal, we took him to the doctor, we thought he might of broke his hip bone and it would heal
It's crazy how life change in an instant
The doctor walked in with his x-rays
Said he thought he broke his hip, but he didn't
He got bad news and there ain't no way to fix it, what is it?
He said the x-rays showed bone cancer was spreading through his legs in a crazy position
The amputation, the chemo, wasn't a option
He probably ain't gon make it to Christmas, I blacked out
Cause Christmas is like three weeks away
When I left he was okay, now your telling me he's gonna die?
He said he's strong so he's gonna fight
Eventually you're gonna have to put him down whenever y'all decide
Please God, not a dog, we're in shock, not our son, he's the only thing we got, we was done
It'd be different if we knew that he was suffering for months, but he's limping, how the fuck is it that nothing can be done?
Tried to comfort him as much as we could
Drug his mattress down the stairs to the center of the living room
Me and his mom laid with him every night
Petting him while he was crying, you could tell the pain was getting to him
And me and her in disbelief, all we did was cry, all we did was scream
Struggling to try, we'd take him outside, but he could barely walk
And every day it seems, it's spreading even more
The medicine we fed him isn't doing anything and we just can't accept it that our boy
The most important thing is dying right in front of us
Like how much do we let him suffer til we go and make the choice
We were laying on the floor almost twenty days
He ain't eating anymore, he can't move his legs
It's December 21st, I think it's time for us to let him go so we can send him to a better place
It's been several weeks, me and your mom still grieving feeling like we in denial
I go in your bedroom every day, smell the air
Start to cry for a while, then I smile thinking bout ya...

Looking in my rear view
Wishing I was near you
We're crying here without ya
We're dying here without ya
Feeling of nostalgia