The Legend Of Zelda Rap

(album: If Music Were Real - 2011)

Yeah my name is Link, man, I'm more well known than Lil Wayne
Oh you thought my name was Zelda? That's a fucking girl's name!
I've saved the world like fifteen times and and saved the princess from demise
And I do it all alone, with no help and no advice

"Hey, Look, Listen" Hey, look, listen, you fucking annoying fairy
I'd rather be forced to listen to constant Katy Perry
I think it's time I got some recognition, don't you think?
Legend of Zelda? Screw that! Legend of LINK.

'Cause he's the L to the I to the N to the K
Wears tights every day, don't give a damn what you say
Got bigger balls than even Evel Knievel
And he ain't gonna stop 'til the world is free of evil

I'll break all your pots and I best not hear your bitching
I've got the Triforce of courage, BITCH! So you better listen (that's right)
I'm called bushwhacker and my bank account's maxed out
Got 999 rupees and my leather wallet's packed now

Can't back down, can't slack now, the world needs me to attack now
Yet I'm forced to pay out the ass for these bombs in Castle Town
Just give me some heart containers and let me spit on my ocarina
So I can kick that dumbass Ganon all the way to Argentina

'Cause he's the L to the I to the N to the K
Wears tights every day, don't give a damn what you say
Got bigger balls than even Evel Knievel
And he ain't gonna stop 'til the world is free of evil

Yo, you low-life elf, need a ride up to the North Pole?
Santa's got a thing for elfs and he's getting' his marriage annulled.
You really think saving the princess will convince me you're straight? (Ha-ha!)
The "Uggs and Skirt" fad is so 2008!

Oh snap, it's Ganondorf trying to jock on my style
Batman's cape, Lincoln's beard, were you dressed by a child?
You're a ginger with no soul and you look like a fucking troll
Isn't kidnapping helpless girls getting a little bit old?

You think Zelda's stupid enough to get kidnapped so often?
She runs off to my castle, into my room and begs to get locked in.
Yeah, she's sick of your little Deku nuts and your girly fairy face
L-I-N-K? More like L-I-N-Gay.

Man, you should've been aborted, just like the Jersey Shore
It's a damn lie you told about Zelda 'cause she loves my master sword
It's a shame your whole life's been a waste trying to rule Hyrule
'Cause today will be the day known as "The day you got schooled"

'Cause he's the L to the I to the N to the K
Wears tights every day, don't give a damn what you say
Got bigger balls than even Evel Knievel
And he ain't gon' stop 'til the world is free of evil