Ultimate Breakup Medley

(album: Shut Up! And Listen - 2015)

Screw you Anthony-y-y!
Pants always full of pee-ee-ee.
You cried when your goldfish died
Like a little pussy. Screw you Anthony-y-y!
Gave you hepatitis C.
I vomit every time
I see your naked body.

I remember at the theater where we met,
The first time.
You ran out the movie hecka wet,
The pants kind.
Then you asked for a napkin to wipe it up
'Cause you dropped some "water" on the front of your pants.
Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh!
Everyone knew the "water" was pee!
Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh!
Pissed yourself watching Paranormal Activity.

He thought he had perfect abs.
Drew them on with a sharpie.
Looked like a douchebag.
Uh uh, oh yeah.
Oh yeah, I'd catch him stealing superhero costumes from all the little kids.
And cutting out the a-a-a-abs
Putting them under tight-ass T-shirts.
It was so sad, so sad.

Screw you Anthony-y-y!
Pants always full of pee-ee-ee.
You cried when your goldfish died
Like a little pussy. Screw you Anthony-y-y!
Gave you hepatitis C.
I vomit every time
I see your naked body.

I remember that one time that I caught you humming along
Wearing all my clothes and dancing to my songs
Was nasty, nasty, nasty-y-y-y-y.
I knew you were a pussy when I saw you
Dancing to my songs
Dressed up in my high heels and my thong
With my face tattooed on your butt.
Oh, no!
Why the hell is it on your butt?!
I know!
Woah.

And just in case
Anthony tries to say, "It ain't so,"
I secretly taped our breakup on video.
One last thing.
Before I come to an e-e-end.
I cheated on Anthony
With his amazing best friend,
And the greatest bowl-cut hair,
And thighs oh so meaty,
He's better than Anthony,
And the only one for me ever.

Sorry Anthony-y-y,
But you really do smell like pee-ee-ee.
And I'm with Ian now
'Cause his thighs are so meaty
And his butt cheeks are totally firmer than yours.