Ghost Dad

(album: 24 - 2021)

My dad was physically present and emotionally absent
I had to learn how to be a man from music, television, and my mom
The issues that I have and have had with God
Is because I didn't have an earthly father to be a prototype

Yeah, yeah
I could never make you proud enough
And if I did, then you never said it loud enough
For me to hear it, how was I to know that I should just
Assume the lyrics that never came out your mouth was love?
How was you to cope with me looking to mom so much?
Was just a kid, who am I kiddin'?
Uncle feeling real never, you and I didn't
Cliff and Theo, nothing we know, who am I missin'?
I'd known that I wanted you home more, you was not sensing
Wishing for validation I was not getting, it was tricky
You was present, but was not gifting
All the things that you chip off your old block
Needs 'cause he won't stop
Feeding for the folks around him just to give him value
Not knowing that he'll never ever get it without You
But still tries, how cute
Looking for Cosby from the TV, you was close, Dad
I wanted Huxtable, you gave me ghost, Dad

Ghost dad, why won't you come back?
I want you to stay wit' me
I need you to (Stay wit' me) stay wit' me
But you keep going ghost dad
Why won't you come back?
I want you to (Stay wit' me) stay wit' me
(I need you to stay wit' me), stay wit' me

Yeah
Now the thoughts I think of you was bittersweet
Ain't no way I didn't see all the things you did for me
Nice school, didn't sleep so one day that I could dream
All the nights you didn't leave when the marriage wasn't sweet
When Val's sickness and health really became reality
Mama more sick than in health and you took care of her like a G
I used to say you failed your seat, but that's my ego
I see less of a failure, more of a farmer watching the seed grow
And trees don't look to the farmer and throw shade
They provided after the farmers harvested long days
I was blinded by strong rage, you loved me the wrong way
Provided a house, I needed a home to feng shui, was off
What meant the most to me emotionally you wasn't there
But for me to judge with limited context wasn't fair
I ain't trying to change the past, I'm just hoping that
We can navigate the trauma wit' the Holy Ghost, Dad

Ghost dad, why won't you come back?
I want you to stay wit' me
I need you to (Stay wit' me) stay wit' me
But you keep going ghost dad
(Why won't you come back?)
I want you to (Stay wit' me) stay wit' me now
(I need you to stay wit' me), stay wit' me now

I mean, how can you love a God you don't see
And you don't love your brother who you do see?
It's like, you know
How can I love my Heavenly Father who I don't see
When my earthly father has been, like, not the best to you?
I, I, I'm learning not to say, I used to say my dad was trash
I used to say that
And then I had kids
And it was like "No, he actually did a lot"