Blind Date

(album: Funny Lady - 1975)

[Fanny & chorus:]
Smooth the sofa, plump the pillows
Dump the ashtrays, oh this dress
Look at me I am shaking all over,
Shaking all over
I'm a mess
Waiting wondering what I'll be thinking
When he comes walking through that door

What'll come walking through that door
A man I never saw in my life before
Oh,
I am so nervous
I got a blind date waiting to call on me (any minute now)
I got a blind date what am I gonna see (any minute now)
Right over there's the doorway, he will be walking through
Will he be six foot eight or maybe four foot two (it could happen)

I got a blind date waiting to come around (any minute now)
Oy but I'm nervous listen to my heart pound
Why do I need this headache, single is not a crime
I got a blind date
An with my luck he'll be on time

I got a girlfriend Shirley, who says why not (she's an idiot)
This guy is a friend from a friend of a friend she got (hello, how do you do
what an idiot)
One thing I know is Shirley ain't sitting on no shelf
If he was such a vow she'd keep him for herself (it's only natural)
She says she is he's nice and he deals in stocks (sounds good, but she's an
idiot)
I'll bet a buck he looks like month-old lox (also and idiot)
What do I need from Shirley her and her fifty cup
I got a blind date and I'm praying he stands me up

Wait wait, what am I praying he stands me up, I'll stand him up. I smell a rat
anyway. Umm. I'm gonna hide under the bed, he'll never see me, he'll walk in and look
around, I wouldn't be there, he'll go away and that's the end of that.
Perrfect!
Now you keep quiet, not a word you hear
You didn't see a thing
Oeps there he is!
Now quiet everybody sssh quiet!

[Blind date:] Rosalie?!
[Rosalie:] Oi, oi, oi
[Blind date:] Rosalie?! that's odd she doesn't seem to be here
[Rosalie:] Smart, smart!
[Blind date:] I've been stood up, it's news
[Rosalie:] Well it's better than put down
[Blind date:] This has never happened before
[Rosalie:] What and ego!
[Blind date:] Rosalie?!
[Rosalie:] Sh, sh, sh!
[Rosalie:]
It worked, it worked!
He never saw me. Boy am I lucky I didn't see him neither,
but I can just imagine what a lox that one was.

[Rosalie:] I got it right her Shirley was playing tricks
[Voice:] No, no, that's wrong, you got it wrong
[Rosalie:] Wait, wait, what that's not right?
[Voice:] No, he was gorgeous he looked like Rudolph
[Rosalie:] Rudolph who?
[Voice:] Rudolph Valentino
[Rosalie:] Get away
[Voice:] Yeah, the sheik from Arabia
[Rosalie:] Not the phantom from the opera?
[Voice:] Uh, Uh
[Rosalie:] The sheik from where?
[Voice:] The sheik from Arabia
[Rosalie:] Get away
[Voice:] That's right
[Rosalie:] Wait a minute is this person kidding me around here?
[Voice:] No, no absolutely
[Rosalie:] Get away
[Rosalie:] Well that's what happened I let him get away

What will I do now maybe become a nun (That's impossible)
I'm calling Shirley maybe she'll bring a gun
Please Shirley, even if he's Lon Chaney fat, bald or short or tall
Having a blind date is better than having
No date, at no time with no one at all.
Wait a minute maybe I spoke too soon
Shirley get me out of here!
Oh this one is cute.