How Embarrassing

(album: Comment Songs - 2013)

I tripped down the stairs at the mall
I got my arm stuck between a pole and a wall
A whole bunch of people they saw
And I just happened to fall and land on my crush

“So when's the baby due?” She said, “I'm not pregnant!”
Yeah, my mom's got a Facebook

In 3rd grade I went to a class swimming party,
I was the only one in a speedo, Neato
I tried to climb out of my bedroom window with a bed sheet, but
I fell and bruised my tailbone
Sneezing too hard on your crush and your dreams are crushed
I'm the master of awkward moments

I peed myself in church
I walked face first into a 2x4 sticking out, it hurt
I triggered the fire alarm at school, oh
I thought that was cool
At the country fair had to throw a ball to win a goldfish
I threw the ball, broke a glass, fish went flying, and
It landed in this girl's bra...at the country fair

“So when's the baby due?” She said, “I'm not pregnant!”
Yeah, my mom's got a Facebook

I tripped down the stairs at the mall
I got my arm stuck between a pole and a wall
A whole bunch of people they saw
And I just happened to fall and land on my crush

I ripped my pants on the dance floor, dope!
I tried to pull open a door, for ten minutes,
It was a push door, oh, dope!

I had ants in my pants and my left me half naked
In the street to go get clothes, ok
And my brother recorded me singing “I believe I can fly”
Played it on the school T.V., I believe I can die!!
Farted on a bus and woke myself up
I slipped and fell into cow manure, yup.

Walked into a glass door and knocked myself out
Most embarrassing moment: Every time I open my mouth
I've said, “What's up Dad?” to a complete stanger
Took too many shots of Jäger
My tampon fell out at a waterpark
I was drunk and thought she could fly, wow

“So when's the baby due?” She said, “I'm not pregnant!”
Yeah, my mom's got a Facebook

I tripped down the stairs at the mall
I got my arm stuck between a pole and a wall
A whole bunch of people they saw
And I just happened to fall and land on my crush