Everyone Clapped

Man, you are not gonna believe what happened to me the other day
What's that?
My girlfriend was acting really strange, right?
You have a girlfriend?
And then

She invited me to a coffee shop but she don't drink coffee usually
So, it hit me like a karate chop when she said she has news for me (We need to talk)
She said she was seeing another man (What?)
Who sang in a Kid Rock cover band?
Then, out the window, I saw children (Help!)
Trapped in a burning building
So, I ran into the blaze
And I pulled them from the flames (Thank you!)
Then I stopped a robbery and rescued a cat stuck in a drain
So, my ex-girlfriend she saw the whole fricking thing then told me she wants me back (My hero!)
I said "Nah, go and be with fake Kid Rock!"

And everyone clapped
You should've seen it
Everyone clapped
Gotta believe it
And everyone clapped
I swear it's true
And everyone clapped
You believe me, don't you?

Ain't no bullshit
I ain't lying
Clap, clap clap
Ain't no bullshit

Okay, let me tell you what happened to me
Well, I was at a coffee shop
And my girlfriend walked in with Kid Rock
Not a cover band, the actual guy
I said "Bawitdaba!" then I punched him in the eye
The police came to arrest me, of course
But instead they asked me to join the force (Yeah!)
Within a month, I had made a deal
To be the boss of the Navy SEALs
They stationed me in Iraq
Where I saved the world from a nuclear attack
Yeah, I was a hero overnight
So, they made a movie about my life (Action!)
The movie won a bunch of Oscars and shit
Then they put my face on a monument
And then I rescued a bunch of children and a cat before you did

And everyone clapped
You should've seen it
Everyone clapped
Gotta believe it
And everyone clapped
I swear it's true
And everyone clapped
You believe me, don't you?

Ain't no bullshit
I ain't lying
I'm applauding
Ain't no bullshit

Couldn't help but overhear
The lies you told are so severe
Buncha losers, I'm pretty sure you're making things up 'cause you're insecure (Wha?)
You're bullshitters
I'm not surprised that both your girlfriends left you guys
In fact, I bet the real twist is you never had girlfriends, they didn't exist
Idiots

And everyone clapped
I can't believe it
That everyone laughed
We were defeated
And everyone clapped
I swear it's true
And everyone clapped
Nah, you should've seen me, it was crazy, I punched Kid Rock in the face, everything I say is
Everyone clapped