Blooms

(album: Letters To Our Former Selves - 2019)

This will forever be an apology
Cause I know somehow it will set me free
I can't hold onto the self-abuse
It's just not your fault, I missed my chance to bloom

Everything fades away
We'll all meet the same fate
Even if you grow old or die alone
What difference will it make?
I'm obsolete, I'm obsolete
So easy to replace
I won't deserve a chance at happiness
Living this way

Just another line about the better days
Finding peace in what you had
I tell myself one day I'll reminisce and say:
"Things really weren't so bad"
Because can't seem to let go
So I'm the only one to blame
For my bleak view on life
Left all alone in the mundane

But I know you know what it feels like kid
You once loved so much but you hate yourself for what you did
So I'll cry for help to find myself in everyone else
That's not that the person you thought you'd be

Fade away, fade away
We'll all meet the same fate
Even if you grow old or die alone
What difference will it make?
I'm obsolete, I'm obsolete
So easy to replace
I won't deserve a chance at happiness
Living this way

It's constant heartache to face the world time after time
When you only have so much of it, I feel my life just slip by
Is this all even real? Is there something more to this?
All those moments we'll miss when we're knocked back into the abyss
Would someone just give me a purpose to have
Cause my past can't be the best thing that ever happened to me
This sadness just won't stop defining me
I lost my chance to leave to a promised land, to feel whole again

"I think about mortality continually. I won't say constantly, but every day. And so, watching ourselves die is to me overwhelming evidence that there is no life after death. And the troubling, troubling consequence of this is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough."

Well there's nothing left to see
But an empty, worthless shell of a man
And there's nothing to be proud of
I'll never know who I am
And with all those late-night thoughts
Knowing in the back of my head, I'll never see you again
And the older that I get
The more surprised I'll fucking be I haven't ended it all yet