Cuz I'm Drunk

(album: Teenage Mutant Ninja Rapper - 2009)

Ahem, yeah.
I get rowdy,
Rough,
Drunk,
Reciting an anth
On the table all night
I'm the beer pong champ.

What?
Drink until my mother fucking
Liver gets cramps
And I've lost everything
Within the pockets of my pants;
Like, shit where's my phone?
Keys?
Shit, who has my wallet?

Dude, you probably lost it,
You stupid alcoholic.

Ha, fuck you bitch.
I weigh 160,
So it only takes a few shots
To get myself tipsy.

Yeah, you're more than I'm drunk
Then I move on to wasted,
Black out,
Find me passed out on the pavement.
Slurring every statement,
Vision getting blurry,
Sipping 40's from
4: 40 to 2: 30.

I'm dirty,
Plus I ball like Michael,
Get wasted like plastic that isn't recycled.
Oh shit,
I'm too fly,
Rhyming it nice,
So drunk I could get a DUI on a bike.

Mix up the lime
With a little co-co-nut.
Taking shots from the half filled
Solo cups.
Get smashed like dropped pottery,
Probably,
Couldn't walk a straight line
If I had a fucking cop watching me.

Walking into shit,
Like I couldn't avoid it.
Just looking for a girl,
Trying to make some poor choices.
But whether I get laid
Or end up in a brawl,
I just blame it on the a-a-alcohol.

'Cause I'm drunk,
So do not play around with me.
'Cause I'm drunk,
Somebody take away my keys.
'Cause I'm drunk,
Shit I can barely even see.
I think it's time to make some bad decisions...
('Cause I'm drunk)

Hey yo,
I come through already blunted,
Like flip cup,
Who won it?
Twenty on the table, son,
I'm about to make a honey.
You can make it rain,
But I'm 'bout to make it sunny.
That means I keep my money,
Buddy I'm not a dummy.

Day and night,
It's the kill.
Looking for some honey,
Got my homie Chris Webby
To make sure she ain't chubby.
'Cause I drank a lot of bubbly,
In the living room stumbling,
Everybody looking lovely
But I came here from the [?].

I love the (star beefs),
And I can't control it.
Might wake up with
Missing teeth
Like the hangover.
I might wake up with a naked slut
From Angola.
I don't know bro,
I'm just saying,
I ain't staying sober.

So move over,
For this fat bitch
Puts roofies in my cola.
Cool,
That's what I wanted,
Wrestling sumo with (a cobra?).
There,
Beware when it's time to go upstairs,
Fuck a trojan,
Got socks,
Make sure you go up there.

'Cause I'm drunk,
So do not play around with me.
'Cause I'm drunk,
Somebody take away my keys.
'Cause I'm drunk,
Shit I can barely even see.
I think it's time to make some bad decisions...
'Cause I'm drunk.