Big Fat Pig

(album: Jam Room - 1999)

Norman The Mormon Hears The Doorbell Ring.
But Inside They're Not Answering.
Peering Through The Window, To His Surprise,
The Door Flies Open, "Come Inside!"
"I Am Jason The Freemason, What You're Selling I Do Not Need.
Mr. Patrick, Orthodox Catholic, Is More Likely In Your League."

At That Very Moment Mr. Softee Rings His Bells,
Ding-A-Ling Ding-A-Ling.
Quickly Thereafter, Choco-Taco Delight
While Reclining On His Brand New Mountain Bike.
Now Watch You Most Closely, For Here The Plot Does Twist.
Enter Simon, The Super Scientologist.

"I'm Opining Sailing Simon. Is You Stupid Or Is You Just High?
Mother Hubbard Got Me Covered Like Sarah Lee On Her Cherry Pie."
Norman Says To Simon, "Hey, If There Are Really Aliens,
I Would Think That L. Ron Hubbard Would Have To Be One Of Them."

"Oh My Lord! Oh My Lord! Oh My Oh My!"

[Harmonica Solo]

The Pie Man Passes By On His Way To The Fair (And He Says)
"Reason, Won't You Put Your Blue Dress On?
Reason, Won't You Put Your Blue Jeans On?"

At That Very Moment Mr. Softee Rings His Bells.
So Before Simon Could Bring His Crushing Blow,
Norman Raises His Hands, "Oh No, Oh No!"
Simon Says, "Hey, We Ain't Even Finished This!"
Norman Says, "Yes We Have. Here Come Them Witnesses."

"Reason, Won't You Put Your Blue Dress On?
Reason, Won't You Put Your Blue Dress On?"