dreams (interlude)

(album: basement fatigue - 2017)

Walking in the cold
I couldn't feel anything
All I could think of was my mother's old wedding ring
And couldn't figure out what about it touched me mentally
Maybe it's thinking 'bout my past and what its all meant to me
I realize that living isn't meant for me
Not to complain, but, death isn't my enemy
I have a lot of those, a lot of people hate me
But they don't realize it's them who mothafucking made me
Tell me I fucking suck, tell me I'm fucking weird
It's nothing new to me, you say it and I barely hear it
I wanna make you happy, I wanna make you laugh
I wanna come in first place, I always come in last
This is the way I fall, this is the way I crash
I won't pick up your calls, you make me feel like trash
I'm taking pills in public, call it a call for help
I'm a puppy dog, chained up, and my master's left
I was your favorite son, I was your number one
You fill me up with love, and now you're fucking gone
And now it's me and dad, he never understands me
When you died, he told me "don't cry, it's only family"
Well, he didn't say that, but that's what it felt like
I'm not tryna be edgy, I'm not looking for sad eyes
It's funny, that I'm not funny
I'm quite ugly, I'm quite stupid
Funny that it's so funny and quite cute and not like you, bitch
Still strange, how much you cross my mind
Still painful when I think about your smile
All things said and done, actually not depressed
I'm actually almost happy, just got this off my chest
I bet you felt this way, like you deserve a death
But, it'll find you anyway, close your eyes and take a breath
My only solace now, is to fill my fucking skull with lead
Don't forget that life is all inside your motherfucking head
Yeah, we're sleeping, man
It's a fucking dream, don't take it seriously
Let yourself feel inactive
Just don't give a shit about other people, man
Everyone's gonna think I'm mad weird for this, whatever...