The Packet Man

(album: Sex Packets - 1990)

Excuse me trooper, will you be needing any packets
today? Yo, B, don't be throwing on my jacket, ok?
Cool, just trying to get your attention
So you can take a look at this invention
Now peep these, I got some more in my jacket
(Man, what are these, condoms?) Uh uh: sex packets
It's like a pill, you can either chew it up
Or like an alka-seltzer, dissolve it in a cup
And get this: see the girl on the cover?
You black out, and she becomes your lover
(You're trippin) no, I'm serious, these are authentic
(Yeah, well I don't take hallucenogenics)
Wrong again, my man, this is way more real
But since you know everything, I'll make someone else a deal

Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man

(Well now you got me curious, I'm kind thinkin bout buyin it)
Three for ten dollars, it can't hurt to try it
(Well what exactly do I get?)
Well read what it says, look at the picture (Bet
It says Chinese girl, age 17, waist 24, hips 33,
Hmmm, this one here says young black virgin
Man this is crazy, I'm gonna have to splure an
get me a few of these things. How long do they last?)
Well it depends, let's see
These cheap ones here are ten minutes
But these are extra power, they last about a half an hour
And these here sell for bout 40
'Cause you get two girls (Yeah it says orgy)
Right, and if you're married, it's no big deal
You're not cheating at all, you're just poppin a pill
And if your wife's got a headache and wants to hit the sack
It's cool, take a packet fool
Biochemically compacted sexual affection
Now here, take a look at my selection

Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man

(OK, I want these two boxes of three
And give my blondy here, and that one that says orgy
And, by the way, I need something for my woman)
Sure, I got guy packets (Cool, give me some of em)
Now let me tell you how to take it:
Either sit of lie down, and you really should be naked
Otherwise you're gonna mess up your clothes, know what I mean?
This is more then just a dream
It's very realistic and it's gonna blow your mind
So be careful: only take one at a time
And never take one behind the wheel
You'll black out and hit a pole (Cool, let's make the deal)
These are 40, these are 80, and this one here is 10
Just give me a hundred dollars, I'll call it even
But don't pull your money out yet, see
There's one or two narcs in this area that sweat me
Over here, (Yeah, this looks kinda cool
20, 40, 60, 80 a hundred, shmoove)
Here's my number, in case you need to reach me again
And remember, you need to be as safe as you can
There's only one thing safer then using your hand
Dial that beeper number, and call the packet man

Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man
Yeah he's the packet man