JoJo's Word

(album: Our Pathetic Age - 2019)

Blood on my hands, blood on my wrist yeah
Fighting the pain, clenching my fist yeah
Y'all probably saying "How did he get here?"
I recollect while I sit here
Nothing is going right
Dreaming that my demons is on sight
Maybe I've been living the wrong life
Project building [?]
I'm just one of many children
Raised by the system, pops was a victim
We didn't wanna sell but they was 'bout to evict him
And his whole family, momma got trama from drama, it's insanity
Recently she been strung out, caught her where the drug dealers hung out
She seen me and ran like shots rung out
Just a matter of time before the block come out
And tell me I'm a crack baby, I need a gat maybe
I'm only 15, it's that crazy

Blood on my hands, blood on my wrist yeah
Fighting the pain, clenching my fist yeah
Y'all probably saying "How did he get here?"
I recollect while I sit here
Grandma say life is precious but I can't stand it
I ain't living life, I'm doing life on the planet
I got a friend in my head that understand it
That voice taking control, I call her Janet, nah
Schizophrenic I just see the real things
Can it be therapeutic to kill things?
Especially when they become a burden
Like that little kid that could never get a word in
Never getting love, never been deserving
Well hopefully they clap when it's closed curtains
I'm so certain I ain't finna grow
I don't wanna breathe, I just wanna go (What?)

Blood on my hands, blood on my wrist yeah
Face of disgrace, I promised I wouldn't drip tears
Small heart, big fears
Looking in the mirror, this is it yeah
Never thought I'd be my own killer
Mom's dealer gave me something that'd numb the filler
Every bit of the pain, the wall and floor stained
Been in this bathroom for about an hour
Grandma sleep, she thinking I'm in the shower
But by the time she wake up, no more drama
Just nerve damage and nirvana
A step closer to death, I feel calmer, I feel purpose
At home it's easy to feel worthless
The knife I used is laying on the floor
[?] satisfied, I done tried before
I'm to everything that I saw
Then I feel somebody opening the door

Blood on my hands, blood on my wrist yeah
Family screaming, damn my demons got me
Prayer couldn't stop me, heaven dropped me
Now I suffer
Grandma calling for my mother
She don't want me but I love her
Sorry to my baby brother, no more pain, I got you covered
All this bleeding, fucked the tub up
Grandma lift me, thought I hovered
[?] gotten tougher
Pop I love you
So much shit I needed from you
Hope I didn't disappoint you
It was either this or join you in that prison
Grandma gripping my small body telling me to hold on
Her palms so soft make me wanna stay strong
Her eyes watering wonder where we went wrong
By the time they cared I was gone