If I

(album: Survival Story - 2010)

If I hadn't been a quiet introspective kid
If I hadn't been a nerd wouldn't have met with him
If we hadn't observed we be the best of friends
That preferred the spoken word to the toke and binge
If momma hadn't died when I was young
Would me and sis have been so tight from jump
If dad had not lost his mind to a disease
Would I be up here askin ya'll to notice me

In the dark times didn't know where the path went
I was close to the edge like Grand Master Flash said
It was the hands of my friends who held me back

Yes
Without them I'd MJ keep slide'n backwards
Or be a hypocrite like some others have been
If that and the other hadn't happened
I don't know that I'd be Brer Rabbit
Askin how many ifs between hero and has-been?

If I had only known that I would be a lamb to the slaughter
now I know

If I hadn't grown up in the 80's
Experiencing the various things that made me
Would I still be standing center stage
Trying to innovate new ways to demonstrate
If mommy daddy hadn't turned off Mork and Mindy
To inform us divorce was pending
Would him and me have spent these 23 years in a frenzy
Moving back and forth with such forceful energy
I remember when I was a little baby
Lying there alone on my pillow casing
Upset already I could feel the aging
The urge to return was debilitating
And maybe I'm still afraid and need to
Cry a little harder for the world of play things
Stop looking back on these silly day dreams
Sing along with me if you feel the same way

If I had known what awaited was unplanned
If I had known the blade was in a loved one's hand
If I had known of the possible injury
If I had known the altar was meant for me
Now I know nobody can predict events
Now I know there's cracks in the picket fence
Now I know that something else can exist
Now I know a life can be built from this
If I had known emotions would still remain
If I had known that time wouldn't heal the pain
If I had known the intent of the injury
If I had known the altar wasn't meant for me
Now I know there's treasure hidden in these scars
Now I know there's presence in an empty yard
Now I know what it took for me to survive
Now I know where to go to become alive