Fake I.D.

(album: Barstool Stories - 2019)

I'm 45 and single
Yeah, and I'm ready to hit the town
Gonna make myself some brand new friends
From the younger, hipper crowd
Down the hopping little place
With hotties, hot as hot can be
Well things were looking pretty good
Till the bouncer carded me

He said, "Whoa, there partner!
Hate to tell you this my friend
But I'm afraid you're just too old
And I can't let you in"

So I got a fake I.D.
Says I'm 23
No one'll never know
I'm this damn old
Gonna use a little Photoshop
Put a little more hair on top
You're gonna see a younger me
With my fake I.D.

So now I'm hitting every bar in town
And man I'm on a roll
I got no problem getting
In any place I wanna go
I've met this girl the other night
She let me take her home
I said it's more romantic if
We keep the lights down low

Later on she took me home
To meet her mom and dad
He said "When I was a freshman
Weren't you in our senior class?"
Oh-oh...

Showed him my fake I.D.
Said, "No, that wasn't me"
He will never know
I'm this damn old
Gonna use a little Photoshop
Put a little more hair on top
You're gonna see a younger me
With my fake I.D.

I refuse to grow up
And I swear I never will
Age is just a number
No I ain't over the hill
All I really need are these
Little blue pills

Yup and my fake I.D.
Says I'm 23
No one'll never know
I'm this damn old
Gonna use a little Photoshop
Put a little more hair on top
You're gonna see a younger me

Yeah with my fake I.D.
I was born in '93
No one'll ever know
I'm this damn old
With some help from Photoshop
I can turn back the clock
They're gonna see a younger me
Sometimes even I believe
Yeah that I'm still 23
With my fake I.D.

Yeah, that's all I need
Just my fake I.D.