Change My Past

(album: Panic - 2020)

It never goes away
I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past

Feeling a type of way bout the past that I run from
Night and day fade to black when I'm undone
I feel lost constantly exhausted
Double crossed still haunted by the monster I once was
And when the suns gone and there's no escape
I feel the darkness take shape and show face
There's no place I never feel safe
There's no change hope fades and I'll never be okay
Never be the same but I always feel close to
Losing everything it's almost like I'm supposed to
I chose you let you in and gave you a home to
Become a part of me but now I'm looking to ghost you
I hoped you disappear but you're attached
I painted the mirror I tried breaking the glass
I see my face in the cracks a refraction I'm abstract
Can't run from the past but I'm keeping my bags packed

It never goes away
I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past
I'll never be ok
I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past

Gone is the vessel now there's nothing inside me
And God and the devil are the voices behind me
But they lie designing blue skies
While they guide me to a pasture where nobody will find me
Down a road that I'm hoping to steer through
To a home I thought left in the rear view
To a weird room nothing to peer through
Doors shut curtains drawn nobody can hear you
All this time I've been holding myself hostage
My hands tied and a blindfolded conscience
Brainwashed and overly cautious
I'm talking to myself in the cell that we're locked in
A situation I'm dying for some relief
Negotiating the terms for my release
I find keys to set myself free then history repeats
Nothing can save me

It never goes away
I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past
I'll never be ok
I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past

And I would be nothing without you
And all that you made me (all that you made me)
And I would be nothing without you
And how you destroy me (you always destroy me)

It never goes away
I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past
I'll never be ok
I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change
Change my past